Tales of Irony
by undyingaffection
Summary: Formerly known as Feeding the Inner Beast. Addek fic... AU warning: sexual content and soon to be violence. Aka the spork fic...
1. Chapter 1

Addek sex fic. Don't say I didn't warn you.

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Addison and Derek lay in bed late at night, it was like nothing else in the world was awake then; everything was so dead silent. In an instant, Derek woke up, wide eyed, and horny. He rolled to his side and lightly tapped Addison on her shoulder, "Hey Addie, you awake?" he whispered. She didn't move from her position, just continued sleeping…

After a few minutes, Derek got impatient. The beast in him needed to be fed! ...immediately, "Damn Addison, are you going to keep sleeping?" he said to himself loudly.

"Wha-what?" Addie was stirring. She sat up, feeling groggy and checked the clock, "Derek what the hell are you doing? It's 2:30!" she was cranky, she didn't like having her peaceful sleep interrupted.

He didn't say anything, but lunged in and tenderly kissed her neck. Addison just closed her eyes. "Not now... Seriously! I'm sleeping here…" she muttered.

"Fine, I'll go to Meredith's house then," he said, pulling the blanket off of him.

At the sound of Meredith's name, Addison's eyes opened. She turned on the light and squinted. She uncontrollably started lunging and intensely kissing Derek to the point of no return. They stood there for minutes kissing, until Derek had his arms wrapped around her and pulled off her pajama pants. In return, Addison pulled off Derek's shirt and madly they crawled back into the bed.

The light turned off...

picture in your head what happens next... Addison and Derek have too much chemistry.

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Beep beep The alarm clock went off, "Damn, what time is it? Addie, you go check," Derek said with a yawn.

Addison had fell asleep on top of him, now trying to shift her body to get a bit more comfortable. "6:30, fuck we're going to be late!" she squealed, and hopped out of bed. "What's that smell?"

Derek wrinkled his nose as he put on a pair of nearby pants, "Ohhh, crap..." he pointed to a yellow spot in the kitchen, "Doc."

Addie groaned, "I'll clean it up, don't you have an early surgery?" she said as she grabbed a mop and bucket of water.

"Thank god it got canceled last night., I'll go take a shower," he said tiredly, and walked into the bathroom.

Grudgingly Addison cleaned up Doc's mess. Didn't we train him not to piss in the trailer? She was not a person who particularly enjoyed cleaning, you could tell by the disgusted expression on her face. "Ughh, Derek are you done? Desperately need a shower here," Addison said as she put the mop and emptied the bucket which was now filled to the brim with a whole bunch of nasty.

Derek spotted Addison's nauseated expression, and burst out laughing. She shot him an annoyed pretend-to-be-angry look as she stripped off her clothes and entered the hot shower. Derek just stared at her with only a towel on him. "Addison…you're McFabulicious…" he said dreamily.

"And you're McDreamy," she retorted with a grin. Derek couldn't resist the temptation of a steamy shower on a cold Seattle morning as he followed her into the shower…

"We're obsessed with sex aren't we?" Addison said after a few minutes.

"Need to feed the beast!" was Derek's reply.

They arrived at Seattle Grace almost half an hour late for work, "Where the heck were you?" demanded Webber, tapping his watch, "I paged several times…"

Derek and Addison exchanged looks, "I'm sorry we're late, it won't happen again I promise," Addison said yawning and taking a sip of espresso.

"Coffee machine broke…had to wait in line for half an hour to get this," Derek hastily lied, holding up his coffee. Webber looked at him skeptically, as if he were positive Derek was lying.

Izzie walked up to the Shepherds', "Where have you been?" she asked Addison, "I've been waiting for you, we have a case of twins being born to a 55 year old mother!"

"Kinda old to be having kids huh?" Addison took the ultrasound from Izzie's hands and examined it. "Okay Dr. Stevens, I'll be with you in a moment."

"You two look tired," Izzie observed, "Are you okay?"

Addison looked at Derek, "Feeding the beast all night…" and she yawned again for the millionth time that day, it seemed.

Izzie just smiled, "Same here…"

Addison was leaning against the nurses station, filling out a patient's chart. She was feeling drowsy, and had used up all her caffeine a few hours earlier. Derek walked up to her, "Hey, sexy," he said flirtatiously.

She grinned, "What do you want?"

"My beast is hungry," he swooned while winking, walking around her.

"What is with you and that beast?" she asked playfully and just stared at Derek.

"Guys have needs," Derek said persuasively, "And you're just the one to give it to me…"

Addison peered at her surroundings. There was an empty on-call room nearby. Derek looked at the same direction she was and he too spotted the empty room. Without a word, they looked at each other and ran into the empty room before some other couple took it.

"Hey, have you seen my watch?" Meredith asked Cristina, "I don't know where it went!" she said getting frustrated.

"Umm, when did you last have it?" Cristina asked, flipping through a book.

"I was on-call last night... I'll go check... except the door is closed..."

"...open it then?" Cristina said with a shrug.

Meredith walked up to the door and Cristina followed out of boredom. "Oh fucking shit!" she shrieked with horror as she realized who the two people in the bed were.

"What?" Cristina wondered, and peered in "McDreamy, fucking his wife…" she said with a smirk on her face, "Looks good…"

Meredith covered her eyes, "Tell me I did not just see that!"

"You did not just see that." Meredith shot her a "my-ex-is-screwing-the-woman-he-left-me-for-and-you're-here-cracking-jokes" look "What? I was just trying to help…" Cristina said defensively.

Meredith rolled her eyes, "Thanks for helping," she said in a sarcastic tone of voice.

"Stop the sarcasm, doesn't suit you. And you're welcome…"

Derek and Addison looked up. Addison turned 47 different shades of red from cheeks to ears while Derek didn't move a muscle. How much more awkward could this situation get, he asked himself…

"I think that's our signal to leave," Cristina muttered. She and Meredith crept out as quietly as they had entered.

Meredith was still in shock at what she had just witnessed, "I saw more of Addison than I had ever wanted to!"

"McDreamy is sexy," Cristina drooled at the image she had just witnessed…

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you know what to do. review and tell me what you think, i have chapter 2 written up and deciding if I should post it or not.


	2. Chapter 2

Ok, I lied. I didn't have chapter 2, I thought Kayli (username addiisyourjesus) was going to write it but then she started her own thing, it's Examination Station here for those who want to read it. So this is written by the one and only me, evilmistress007 aka allie

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"We really really need to stop this streak" Addison yawned, as she made coffee

"Says who? Are you complaining about too much sex?" Derek grinned, as he hastily pulled on a pair of jeans

"No! It's just... we haven't had a peaceful, undisturbed night of sleep in like a month" At that moment she accidentally spilled a drop of steaming coffee on her thumb "Dammit" she muttered, rising her thumb under cold water

"Aww someone burned their finger?" Derek kissed her thumb

"Stop it" Addison blushed and laughed "We're going to be late. Again. I'm surprised Richard didn't fire us yet"

"That's because he loves us. We're his star surgeons, he can't fire us." Derek made his way up her arm and was now nibbling on her neck

Addison moved her head in a circular motion "No seriously, stop" She reluctantly pulled away.

Derek pretended to look shocked "Hey, it's not my fault your food is good and my beast is hungry once again" he argued, trying to follow her

She gently pushed him away "I'm sorry, but we have obligations" Addison started to brush her hair

He pouted like a whiny 4 year old "I'll be waiting in the car" he called out as he grabbed his share of coffee.

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"Boo" Derek crept behind Addison as she was standing at the nurses station

Addison jumped slightly "Derek... you scared me"

"So what do you say we do something?" Derek grinned mischieviously "Along the lines of _naughty_"

Addison just laughed "Oh Derek... I thought you had a surgery later"

"Patient died this morning. And according to the OR board you're free."

"Hmm... who says I want to spend my free time with _you?_" Addison said with a twinkle in her eye "Just kidding... although all the on-call room doors are closed, you know what that means."

"Everyone's having sex and not us. I get it." Derek said loudly, pretending to be jealous

Addison ignored that comment "There is an empty corridor... you know, near the vending machines"

"Way ahead of you Addie" Derek ran to catch the elevator before the door closed. Addison just shook her head _Men... when will they ever learn?_

By the time she got there, Derek was already laying on a bed, shirtless "Where were you?" he asked impatiently "I thought you got lost"

"I was taking my time" she said stubbornly and pulled off her lab coat. Derek took it and threw it on a nearby bed, on top of his scrub shirt."Oh my, you naughty boy" Addison said flirtaciously. "Come and get a piece of me..." All their clothes were stripped off, laying in a limp pile on the floor.

A few minutes into their fling, they heard faint footsteps. Someone was coming their way. "Oh shit!" Addison whispered, alarmed. Meredith and Cristina had already walked in on them, was there anyone else in the hospital that really needed to see them naked?

Alex and Izzie were walking side by side down the stairs. They saw a shadow, two people, one on top of the other. "Who could it be?" Izzie wondered out loud. This was the interns' corridor, their secret place where they could just chill out. Now it wasn't so secret anymore.

"Someone's doing it on OUR bed" Alex hissed

"Techincally it's not our bed... it belongs to the hospital" Izzie whispered, trying not to catch their attention. But they were laying still, so she figured they heard them coming.

Alex tiptoed closer to the scene. Izzie followed, trying to see who was there. _It could be Cristina and Burke _she thought _But they usually keep things secret... maybe George is getting some action? _

"It can't be O'Malley" Alex said suddenly, as if he were reading her thoughts "That guy is bigger than him"

"You don't even know who they are" Izzie argued, as they both crept closer. "Oh my god..."

"What?" Alex moved his head, trying to see what was going on and why Izzie was so shocked. Once he realized what was going on, he almost burst out laughing. Izzie hastily covered his mouth with her hand

"Shut up!" she muttered "They could hear us"

"She really is McHot" Alex drooled

Derek could hear their whole conversation "It's okay!" he called out "We can hear you... we'll just get dressed real quick and you can do whatever you needed to do". Addison turned pink when she realized the voices belonged to Alex and Izzie. _Do all the interns have to see us without clothes on?_ she groaned

"No it's fine... just keep doing whatever you were doing!" Izzie called back, looking longingly at them. She grabbed Alex's shirt "Watching people have sex makes me want to have sex" she took off her pants

Alex was delighted "Haha, let the party begin" He dragged her to a bed a few yards away from Derek and Addison, and they kissed madly.

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I guess this is just a collection of stories of people walking in on Addek sex lol. But yeah, I finally updated, please review!


	3. Chapter 3

Today was like your average Seattle day. Rain, rain and more rain. Except today, the weatherman was expecting thunderstorms, a rare sight for Seattle.

Rain was pouring heavily by the time Derek and Addison arrived at work. Entering the sliding doors soaked, Richard greeted them, tapping his foot impatiently. "Hello Shepherds'" he said in a disdainful tone

"Good morning Richard..." Addison greeted awkwardly. She glanced at her watched and cringed _Fifteen minutes late as usual..._

Derek merely grinned "I apologize... for the both of us"

Dr. Webber shook his head "I can only guess what you two have been doing every morning" he said sarcastically. From his face, the couple could tell he was thinking of their residency days, when every morning the two of them would come to work sleepy, exausted, and sexed-up. They exchanged sly looks. This was practically deja vu.

"Umm... I'm going to... get my cases" Addison darted off

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The rain kept pouring continuously for hours, with no signs of stopping. Derek looked out the window at the gloomy sight, and turned his gaze to the woman in front of him. Hot redhead, also known as his wife. She seemed to have read his thoughts, for she held up a finger and said smugly "Not getting any sweetheart"

"I didn't ask for any" he said grinning

Addison didn't look up from her work, she seemed quite focused "I can tell you were thinking it"

"Psh since WHEN can you read my mind"

"Since the day I married you" she held up her right hand and showed off her rings

"Well... I'll see you later" Derek walked towards the elevator.

Addison had finished filling out the chart and handed it to the nurse "Hey Derek, wait!" she was running towards the elevator as it closed. It wasn't an easy thing to do in heels, but she was quite accustomed to it by now. She caught it just in time, it helped that Derek pressed the "open" button.

"I thought you weren't speaking to me" he said flirtaciously

"I'm talking to you, I'm just not giving you any" Addison replied sweetly

"Oh really" he crept closer to her "I can smell your lipgloss" Derek's face was approching her lips "Hazelnut latte..."

"You know it" Their lips almost touched when the elevator shook wildly and froze. "Oh god... we're stuck" Addison whispered. The power had gone out due to the thunderstorm.

"Perfect" Derek stripped off his scrub top and took a deep breath. He pulled Addison in for a hot, steamy kiss. The next thing either of them knew, they were naked in the elevator. "Come to me..." Derek whispered, leaning in to kiss her one more time...

The next thing that happened... well... let's just say the snake entered the cave (haha get it?) and there was some hot Addek action.

A few minutes later, power was restored in the elevator. Derek and Addison, still nude, jumped when the lights came on and the door opened... right in front of the chief and half of the surgical staff "Holy mother of destruction" Addison muttered to herself, turning pink all over. There were whispers and smirks among the crowd.

"Oh my god... close the fucking elevator!" Richard yelled, turning around so he couldn't see anything. "And I don't mean it that way!" Everyone laughed as Derek meekly pressed the "close button", allowing them time and privacy to get dressed.

Despite what had just happened, Derek chuckled at Richard yelling 'fucking elevator'. What a nice way to put it, he thought. "What are we going to do..."

"I don't know..." Addison answered, terribly embarrassed. It was bad enough when Meredith, Cristina, Izzie and Alex walked in on their lovemaking, but by tomorrow, the whole hospital will know of their stunt in the elevator.

"We could err... move to Antarctica where no one will know us and live with the penguins... and they won't care if we screw around all day" Derek joked

Addison gave him a look that said Stop-joking-around-Derek-this-is-serious! He knew it too well and immediately stopped. "Here goes..." she murmured as the elevator door opened. To their surprise the corridor was empty, and they slowly walked out.

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"I hate this" Addison pouted, as she got in their car. The rain had finally ceased and the shining moon popped out of the clouds.

Derek sighed as they drove home. People gave them funny looks the whole day, it got annoying after a while. "Who cares... "

"Derek. They saw us. Naked. Do I seriously have to repeat myself?"

"No... but theres _something else_ we can repeat" He pulled up next to the trailer, and started kissing Addison wildly...

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So yeah... I copied the George elevator scene... kinda. I have a wicked sense of humor :P review!


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for all the reviews! And Kayli and Jess, I love you too :)

I changed the title of the story because well, in history class my teacher was talking about irony. And I can't have people continuously walking in on Derek and Addison this whole story, so at the end, expect a little twist.

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Dawn was approaching. Light poured in through the windows of the Airstream trailer. Derek awoke at the sight of the light, he rolled over to his side. Addison was still peacefully sleeping, he could hear the soft sound of her breathing. Taking a chance, he whispered "psst Addie, you awake?" No reponse.

"Addison!" he tried again, voice louder. She was either still sleeping, which wasn't possible, or she was simply ignoring him. Derek was getting annoyed and horny. He lightly shook her although she hated it when he did.

"What!" She turned around to face her husband. Addison was exhausted, having come home late from surgery.

"I was thinking... you know" There was a mysterious twinkle in his eye.

His wife just smirked "Okay, whatever you say" she rubbed her finger against his wrist "Ugh be right back" Hopping out of bed, she hurried to the so-called bathroom which was scarcely bigger than the hospital's linen closet.

"You all right?" Derek asked after a few moments of agony as he waited for his squee partner.

"I'm fine!" she lied, sticking her head back in the toilet as another wave of nausea hit.

"You don't sound like it... I can call Richard if you want..."

"No!" Addison sharply interrupted. She didn't like missing work; her philosophy was that patients always came first, unless she was terribly ill. Which in this case, she wasn't.

Derek gave up "If you say so"

Addie returned to the bed a few minutes later, wiping her lips "Okay, I'm ready" she leaned closer towards him

Her husband pulled away "You know how I don't like sick people"

"...and yet you work with them everyday" she retorted

"I don't like them in bed..." Addison scowled, and Derek quickly added "No babe, if you're sick..." he stopped with a sigh "forget about it and you relax"

"Derek, I'm fine" she crept even closer "now let's do it."

He grinned "Wow... you do know how to make a man happy" he said as he reached down her pajamas and felt a skimpy thong

She gave him a look "Your trailer is tiny. Closet is too small. What else am I supposed to wear?"

"For starters, nothing" he grinned naughtily, stripping off her shirt.

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Half an hour later, all was good in the Airstream trailer, specifically in the bedroom.

"You're very good for a sick person" Derek teased, laying back on the pillow

Addison pretended to be offended "Why I am not sick and you know it"

Derek stood up and stretched his arms "Whatever you say dear"

His wife also got out and started making the bed, pulling the sheets tightly against the mattress. "oh god not again" she murmured, rushing to the bathroom. She hoped Derek had not noticed, but he was already on his way out the door. "I got to do something about this" she muttered to herself after the ordeal was over.

"You coming Add?" Derek called out from the door "You know how Richard threatened to put us on probation if we're late again"

The world renowed surgeon put a hand to her chest and took deep breaths, panting like a dog "I'm coming..." she weakly yelled back

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All day at Seattle Grace Hospital Addison couldn't help but think about what was going on inside her. She tried not to get her hopes up, she and Derek had tried for years before he gave up and became indifferent. But there was nothing else to do but wonder...

"Hey, wait up!" Addison chased Derek through the hallway

Derek turned around "Oh I didn't hear you walking... but hi" he said with a smile

"You couldn't hear me in these heels?" she pointed to her feet

"What did you want me for?" Derek glanced at his watch "I have a cranial reconstruction in half an hour"

"Oh, I was just going to say I'm leaving in a few minutes, just wanted to let you know, so you don't have to wait for me or anything"

"Okay, see you later" He pecked her on the cheek as they parted

Addison took a deep breath. She walked out the doors and into the parking lot, driving to the nearest drugstore. Cautiously walking inside,fingers trembling as she grabbed the home pregnancy test from the shelf. There was that thrill and fear of it being positive, and the disppointment and relief of it being negative. Tossing the rectangle box on the counter, she hastily slapped a $20 bill down, grabbed the bag containing the precious pregnancy test, and swiped her change from the cashier.

Rushing home was a disaster. She ran 2 stop signs, got a few honks from angry drivers and almost received a ticket. It was not like Addison Shepherd to act this way, but with all the sex she and her husband had lately, it wouldn't be much of a surprise if it was positive.

Derek arrived home to a unusually quiet trailer. _Is she asleep now? _he wondered, since the TV or cd player was usually on. _But it's only 9:30..._ "Hey, Addie, you awake?"

No answer. He walked to the bedroom, making sure she was okay before anything else. Addison heard his footsteps, and as soon as his shadow came into sight, she threw a plastic bag at him.

"Wow, somebody suddenly get pissy?" Derek joked. He picked up the bag and studied its contents "Oh god..." he whispered

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There. You got the FHBs :)


	5. Chapter 5

Don't hate me because you don't have the same genius ideas Kayli and I come up with :P Just kidding, although this was a while back. Since this story is basically centered around sex... i think you'll know what to expect :) Dedicated to Team Addison! Before you read this... some of you are in here... please don't take anything personally!

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Derek's fingers trembled as he turned the doorknob to an empty room. With Richard's approval, the pair crept into an empty room and "stole" an ultrasound machine.

"Remember, the baby might not be viable" Addison warned "It's a bit early..."

"I've seen you enough times to know this" Derek replied, trying to stay calm, cool, and collected although he was unmistakenly jittery. Neither of them wanted to mention the test could be the 0.01 that turned out incorrect.

Addison meekly turned on the ultrasound machine as Derek handed her the gel. Like the expert she was, she pulled her shirt halfway up and applied the cold cream on her abdomen, both silent as she rolled the handle.

Her husband couldn't take it anymore "Any news?" he blurted out excitedly "I can see a speck..."

"That's my navel you idiot!" she snapped "Just kidding... yeah I can see it" she added softly

"Awww" Derek kissed his wife on the cheek

"Okay, boy or girl?"

"I'm thinking it's a boy... name it after me, teach it how to fly fish... the works" Derek grinned

Addison rolled her eyes, pretending to be annoyed "I'll let you name it whatever you want when you grow a child in your uterus" she replied sweetly

"Whatever you say... how about let's celebrate" he crept on the bed, on top of his wife's body, and started lavishly kissing her.

Addison burst out laughing as he caressed her neck "Stop Derek!" she spat out between giggles

"Oh how can I when you're just so damn hot!" he moaned

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The next week, Addison and Derek crept into the empty room again, to use the ultrasound machine and possibly have sex on the vacant bed.

"Oh god..." Addie whispered, lying down and rolling the thingmajig on the cold jelly covering her abdomen.

"What... something wrong?" Derek was scared; he finally had a shot at fatherhood which he couldn't bear to let go.

She whispered something barely audible and then said out loud "Sex..."

"You want sex?" Derek was preparing to take off his shirt

"No! I mean yes! I mean but..."

"But what... come on, we don't have much time and you know what I want to do..."

"Sextuplets" Addison faintly said

"What! You're kidding right?" He wanted to burst out laughing, what his wife was saying seemed completely ridiculous.

She shook her head wildly "Sextuplets. Also known as six babies at one time. Sex is six in Latin..." Addison tried to remain calm, cool and collected although she knew she definately wasn't ready to be mother of six.

"Oh. Seriously? Six kids... more than I bargained for..."

Addison thought for a moment, and started giggling unexpectedly "You know what's ironic? We have all this hot sex... and now we're expecting _sextuplets_"

Derek smiled weakly "I've always wanted children... just never thought I would have this many..."

She scowled at her husband "It's your fault. You wanted sex and you knocked me up. With six!" She pulled out the pillow from behind her and threw it.

"How can it be my fault? You enjoyed it too" Derek argued as he threw the pillow back even harder and the two just burst into a fit of giggles.

"Well one thing's for sure" Addison smiled and leaned in to kiss her husband "Our kids are going to have fabulous hair"

"Mhmmm" Derek pulled her in for a deeper kiss than initially intended. They continued on, until the smooching evolved into lovemaking.

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Addison Shepherd tapped her watch impatiently at the Seattle International Airport a few days later. The 11:00 AM flight from New York was supposed to arrive ages ago, and it was almost 11:30. "Where the hell is she?" Checking the board, the flight was on time...

"Addie!" A young woman named Jessica ran up with luggage and embraced her friend.

"Jess! Oh it's good to see you again... where were you?"

"Baggage lost my stuff" she explained hastily "How are you?" Her eyes wandered to Addison's abdomen.

"Doing pretty well... come on, I found this really great spot for lunch" Addison ushered her former student out of the airport and onto the bus headed for the nearest hotel.

"What's the rush?" Jess asked, as they were seated comfortably on the bus. She felt Addison was pushing her around.

"Richard didn't give me much time... and I want to enjoy every second" Addie didn't get to see her much, with their busy schedules and all. Jess was a thriving OB/GYN too, who had studied under her a few years ago. She had really demonstrated fine talent, Addison planned to have her work with Izzie Stevens for a while.

"Okaay just give me time to drop these off" she said as the bus stopped and Jess checked in to a gorgeous 5-star hotel, recommended by Addie. They walked to the hospital which was conveniently nearby.

"So this is where you work" Jess said with amazement in her voice "Not like New York at all..."

"Yeah, you get used to it" Addie replied with a shrug and opened the doors to her black sedan. "Close your eyes" she instructed as they hopped in and started driving.

Jess laughed "Why? Trying to sneak me into a dark alley?"

"Trust me. Do it." After a silent ride, she finally opened her eyes.

"Viewfinders!" she squealed. Addison laughed, they had both always had a thing for viewfinders.

"Do you find it surprising that Derek doesn't like these viewfinders? Last time we came he was bitter." Addie brought up as she laid their lunch out on a stone bench.

"Seriously?" She nodded as Jess took a sip of her soda.

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Meanwhile, at Seattle Grace Hospital, chaos was emerging in the surgical floor. A psych patient by the name of Kayli was running and screaming all over the place, while her doctor, 3rd year resident Marisa, tried to keep up with her pace.

"I'M HUNGRY!" Kayli wailed loudly as she came to a stop

Marisa panted for breath. Running 5 flights of stairs and at least a mile of corridors was not something she was used to. How her patient had all that energy... well noone knows. "You want food?"

She pointed to the nearby cafeteria "Let's go"

The psychiatrist followed, hoping to grab a cup of coffee before Kayli went on a running rampage again. Slow as a turtle, by the time she grabbed a cup of espresso, Kayli was already seated and munching on a hot dog. Marisa sighed and sat down next to her patient.

Kayli finished eating and wiped the crumbs off her face with a napkin. Seizing her spork, she studied it carefully. "Whatcha doing?" Marisa inquired

She didn't answer but merely stuck the spork into her front pocket. "I have an idea" she said with an evil grin, eying a specific blonde doctor across the room.

"Oh god..." Rissa muttered as she directed Kayli back to her room. She was actually scared to know what was going on in her patient's mind... it could mean anything.

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"Everything's looking and feeling good" Jess told Addison as she pressed down her abdomen with her palms.

"I know, I am the best" she replied with a joking smile.

"I never thought I would actually be YOUR doctor... it's an honor Dr. Shepherd"

"You were one of my best students" Addison thought for a moment "How would you like to stay in Seattle for a while... we could always use you, and I've missed being able to perform surgeries and handle cases together"

Jess stared straight into her mentor's eyes "I... don't know" she answered honestly "I mean, I love the opportunity but I'm not sure if I'm ready for such a big move"

"It's okay dear, take your time" Addie hopped off the bed "In the meantime... want to scrub in on my next surgery? C-section, nothing major, but we're handling triplets." Jess nodded, and the pair went downstairs to prepare.

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"Let's have sex..." Derek said randomly as he entered the NICU, where Addison and Jess were treating the 3 newborns.

Addison looked around "Do you realize where we are?"

"Oh I'm well aware of my surroundings. I just didn't mean here."

Jess, who was on the other side of the room taking vitals, pretended she wasn't listening to their conversation. Trying to look absorbed in her work, she kept an ear open to eavesdrop.

"Fine" Addie gave in "I'm leaving for a while Jess, can you take care of them while I'm gone?" she called out across the room

"No problem Dr. Shepherd." Jess chuckled softly to herself "Take your time and have fun" she winked

The Shepherds' weren't the only ones sneaking off. George and Callie were off in her "apartment" giggling under the covers and having a good time. Addison and Derek happened to be making love in a room not too far off from theirs; but neither couple was aware of the other.

"That was amazing" Callie breathed, pulling off the blanket revealing 2 nude people.

"Yeah... too bad we have work" George hastily put his scrub top back on

Callie was tying her hair up as George was pulling his socks on. "Let's go" she said, and the pair left the room. Quite oblivious to the sounds around them, they walked into the next room and stood there, gasping.

"Is... that..." George stuttered

Callie nodded in agreement "Them." Rumors had been going around that Derek and Addison were constantly having sex, hot squee as some liked to call it.

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Okay... I think some of you know what's going to happen next hehe. Jess, Kayli, Marisa, Brandy, and Sarah, you're all in :D If I forgot someone or you want to be in here... leave a review and I'll write you in somehow


	6. Chapter 6

Just so you know... 3 months have passed, full of blissful squee and the wait of the FHBs

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Meredith Grey felt a weird sense that something big was going to happen to her. Not something like winning the lottery, more like her demise... Shrugging the feeling off, she dismissed the idea as totally crazy and went back to her work.

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"Derek, we don't need to do this" Addison pleaded, rubbing her bulging stomach. She did not look like someone who was only 4 months pregnant.

"Nothing wrong with starting early" he replied with a shrug, admiring Addison's glow. Pregnancy really agreed with her.

"Derek" she repeated in a louder tone "WE DON'T NEED A NANNY NOW!"

"Jeez you don't have to yell. Hormones huh?" Her husband grinned, causing Addie to scowl.

"I don't want a nanny" Addison said defiantly

"It's not your decision. Come on, you're going to be on bed rest for a while... I can't be by your side 24/7"

She scoffed "Talk about being supportive"

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"Hey Kayli" Marisa checked on her patient "Are you feeling better?"

Kayli stirred weakly on the bed "What happened?"

"You passed out..." Rissa explained "You accidentally got hit in the head with a frying pan from an angry hospital cook"

"What!" Kayli was surprised

Marisa crept closer to Kay and whispered "My advice: sue him"

Kayli searched around for her spork. It was under her pillow, she had no idea how it got there. "Beware, the power of the spork!" Kayli grinned evilly. Marisa just laughed.

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Jess gently patted Addison's growing belly. "Everything looks good" she said in a professional tone of voice "If all goes well Dr. Shepherd we can deliver in about 15 weeks"

Addison laid back in her chair "Derek and I still need to buy furniture... oh I am so not ready for this..."

"Don't worry, I'll be here for you" Jess had finally decided to make the bold choice to move to Seattle permanently.

She weakly smiled at her friend "Thanks... sorry" Addie quickly ran to the basket, but didn't make it in time. The contents of her lunch covered the floor "Oh god..." she whispered

Jess quickly took matters into her own hands "Hey... janitor!" she called out in the hallway "Vomit accident here... Addie go to the bathroom and wash up"

The janitor scoffed "My name is Chrissie..."

"Oh... sorry... come on let's go" Jess escorted her friend into the nearby bathroom.

When the pair got out, 2 teenagers quickly approached them. "Hi... are you Dr. Addison Shepherd?" one of them inquired.

"No... that's my friend" Jess pointed to Addison

"I wasn't talking to you"

"Yeah, what do you need girls?" Addison finally spoke up.

"She's not working today" Jess interrupted, knowing Addie needed her rest. "But I can take you"

"No no, nothing like that. My name is Brandy... I'm with my friend Lisa here, and I just found out that I'm related to Dr. Shepherd..."

"What! How?" Addison took a closer look at the pair standing in front of her. Brandy definately did not look like she was related to Addie; she was Asian and just didn't look the slightest bit European.

She sighed "It's complicated. My mom just told me she had an affair with your brother almost 18 years ago... they broke it off when his wife started suspecting something. And... I'm the result of their fling... I just met my dad a few weeks ago."

Addison laid her hands on her stomach "Annd what are you doing here? In Seattle?"

"Eric came down to visit you and decided I should come along, to meet some more of my family." Brandy explained

"So where is he?" Addison hadn't seen her brother in quite a while. And she found it hard to believe that Brandy really was her niece, she didn't look like she inherited genes from her brother.

Brandy, reading Addison's mind, said "It's okay. Everybody says I look like my mom... I don't even think I look like my dad. And yeah, he meant to come in here, but he got distracted by the bar across the street."

Addison rolled her eyes. Her brother was always tempted by alcohol; he didn't believe he had a problem. "Okay let's go then"

"Wait... you're going to a bar? Looking like this?" Jess made a face.

"Damn Jess, I have self control! I'm not drinking in this condition."

Jess grinned "You better not. I'll be watching you Dr. Shepherd"

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"Heyy" Joe the bartender greeted as the 4 entered the bar "A bit early for drinking isn't it?" It was only about 6 in the evening, usually the hospital staff stopped by much later after their shifts were over.

"Ohh she's not here for drinking" Jess pointed to Addie, who glared in return.

"Can I see your IDs?" Joe asked Lisa and Brandy

Brandy's eyes peered throughout the room "Oh... we're not here to drink, I'm looking for someone."

"I'll take a California Sunshine please" Jess motioned to Joe, who nodded.

"Hey... dad" Brandy greeted her father, who looked weary as he shook his beer around.

"Hi Eric" Addison walked up to them.

"Hello Brandy, Addison... wow you're bigger than I imagined" He looked amazed, it was only about 3 months since Addison told her family she was pregnant.

Addison crossed her arms "How come you never told me you had a daughter?"

"I knew she was pregnant... I just stayed out of her life. I paid Brandy's mother to not tell anybody about this... and to support the child."

"How much did you give? You can't just sell away your guilt!"

"Addie that's none of your business. I'm not the only one who cheated on my spouse."

"That was a year ago. I didn't lie to Derek about it. Does Tina even know?" Eric shook his head no. His wife didn't, or would ever know about his betrayal. "My point exactly."

"Wait... your wife doesn't know about me?" Brandy broke the silence that followed.

"Addie" Eric pleaded "Can you pleeeease take Brandy? She's 17 so she'll be off on her own in a year."

"Did you come to Seattle to give me a child? When I'm expecting 6! Where's her mother?"

"She died in a car accident recently. That's why she came to me. Please Addie... I can't take her..."

"It's nice to know I'm so wanted" Brandy interrupted sarcastically. Lisa put an arm around her shoulder, trying to give her hope that everything will be all right.

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Okay, now I hope everyone's happy... lol I have sort of a cliffhanger...

review and I'll give you a cookie :P


	7. Chapter 7

Brandy sat nervously on a couch outiside one of the hospital conference rooms. Derek, Addison and Eric were meeting up with an attorney to discuss permanent arrangments for her. The door was closed, as if to keep her out. She crept closer to try to eavesdrop, but unfortunately, the walls and door were soundproof.

"Addison" Derek paced across the room "We've having 6 kids already, we can't manage a 7th."

"But she's older, and she can help babysit along with Crys that nanny you hired." Addison argued. She knew how much this favor meant to her brother.

Derek closed his eyes "It's just..." He paused to take a breath "I don't know."

"Derek please. We have the money, and a temporary house to stay in." The Shepherds' were planning on building a house on all that land, but the project had barely started and it wouldn't be finished in time for the babies' arrival.

"Why do you want Brandy so badly?" Derek asked, his voice softened.

"She needs a home. My idiot brother here is too cowardly to take her in." Addison pointed at Eric "And we could use the help, she's almost on her own anyway."

Derek gave up and sighed "Alright" Addison smiled and the pair began signing the forms giving all legal custody to them.

When the ordeal was over, Addison opened the door "Brandy honey?"

She jumped from her seat "Hi... so what's going on?" Brandy asked, bracing herself for bad news; she didn't seriously believe that 2 strangers would be kind enough to adopt her.

But her beliefs were wrong. Addie held out her arms and said kindly "You're ours now"

Brandy was shell-shocked but graciously accepted the hug "Thank you" she whispered, relieved at last. Since her mother's death, life had become shaky and unstable, and now the Shepherds' offered her a safe environment she could call her home.

Derek rubbed her shoulder "Welcome to Seattle"

* * *

Kayli now had a strange obsession with sporks. Marisa was confused, but made no comment about it. Who knows what's going on in her head?

"I have a plan" Kayli said finally.

"What?" Marisa took a seat next to her bed.

"I can't tell you"

"No tell me! I won't tell anyone" Rissa promised, and leaned her ear closer so she could whisper.

"Someone's going to die." Kayli said mysteriously, still holding the white spork in her hands.

"What?" Before Marisa could say anything else, the loudspeaker boomed "Code blue, 3rd floor!" Kayli just smirked. "How did you..."

"No no... not the person I said was going to die. Someone else is..." Kayli whispered a name into her doctor's ear.

"So I'm not the only one who despises her... interesting" Marisa folded her arms "Can I help with the sporking?"

"Just don't tell anyone" Kayli said and the two began making plans.

* * *

"What a family reunion" Addison muttered as she was driving to meet her sister Kendel at the airport. She was a lawyer who had some vacation time and wanted to spend it with her pregnant sister. Entering the automatic sliding doors, she stood there and waited.

"Addie!" Kendel embraced her older sister "How are you feeling?"

"Do you know how many times people ask me that question every day?" Addison laughed "I'm alright... big... but how are you?"

Kendel was a practicing lawyer back in New York "Just tired... thank God for a vacation"

"How long are you staying?"

"Until my nieces and nephews are born I guess"

"That's a long time for vacation"

"I haven't had one in a year. I deserve this don't you think?" Kendel smirked.

"Yeahh" Changing the subject, Addison added "Did you hear about Brandy?"

Kendel nodded "Yeah, he came to me and I flat out said NO. You're brave... 6 kids and now a 7th?" she said pointing to her sister's growing figure.

"The result of constant sex..." Addie shook her head "Derek's insanely happy about this... he's not the one carrying 6 kids in his uterus."

* * *

Meredith was leaving the hospital after a 15 hour shift. A young woman named Alisa came up towards her "Hey, support the drug-dealers of America?"

"What?" Meredith was confused

"You better know what I'm talking about" Alisa coughed for a second "Come on, try some" she ushered a small Ziploc baggie into her hands. "Oh and don't forget these too" Alisa threw a small pack of matches.

"Umm... okay" Meredith crept into a dark corner so nobody could see what she was doing.

"Meredith?" A familiar voice was coming towards her.

_Oh shit_ Meredith thought, quickly dropping what she was doing onto the ground "Hi Derek!" She flashed a phony smile, acting all innocent.

Derek, suspicious, sniffed the air around him "What the hell..." He noticed the faint light on the ground "Were you just smoking pot?" he asked in disbelief, stamping on the flame until it was extinguished.

"Why are you doing back here anyway?" Meredith coughed violently, Derek flashing her a disapproving look. "I specifically came here because..."

"Noone ever comes back here" Derek finished for her "I know... Addison and I did it here before" he said with a naughty grin

Meredith looked sickened at the thought "You realize I'm standing in the spot where you and your wife made love."

Derek couldn't stop smiling "I know." he said smugly.

* * *

"Hey Jess" Addison greeted her friend in one of the hospital rooms in the maternity ward.

"Hi Addie. Feeling alright?" Jess got the ultrasound machine ready for use as the redhead hopped onto the bed.

"Honestly? Not really" Addison replied, rubbing her bulging abdomen "I'm sick of this... I feel like I'm constantly carrying watermelons around."

Jess was guiding the knob through the cold jelly "Addison" she said in a serious tone "I have to tell you something."

"I knew it"

"Well... it's bedrest time" Jess said sympathetically "No constant walking around, go easy on the vigorous activities..."

"Vigorous activities huh? Tell that to my husband" The two burst out laughing

"You have been doing a lot of excercise lately" Jess said, grinning.

"Blame it on the hormones. It's making me horny." Addison retorted

* * *

If you had any sense, you would stop reading this fic. Seriously. Because it's going to get stupider as it goes along... it sort of turned out to be an inside joke. 


	8. Chapter 8

Jess was treating a patient in room 157. A young woman was suffering from fibroids, and Jess was seeing what she could do about them.

"Okay Bridget... we're going to remove them surgically..." Jess was hastily scribbling notes onto her patient's chart.

Addison wheeled in the room, struggling with the wheelchair and the weight of the 6 fetuses. "What the hell are you doing? She's MY patient."

"Ahem. Excuse us for a sec" Jess mouthed to Bridget, and closed the curtain "Didn't I put you on bedrest a few weeks ago?" she reprimanded.

"I'm in a wheelchair. I'm not walking around. I'm finding it insanely difficult to have sex. What else do you want from me?" Addison gave Jess a sad puppy dog look.

Jess laughed "Oh I'm sorry Addie. It's called bedrest. Rest on a bed or something or just go home."

"I'm not staying in that crappy trailer all alone. And I need something to do in this hospital. So hand that patient of yours over. I haven't been in an OR for months."

"No" Jess replied, remaining defiant "You know I'm your doctor and I have the power to admit you as a patient and hook you up on all sorts of IV tubes and big complicated machines." she said with a snarky grin.

Addison pouted "Kill me now, why don't you?"

"I could, but I'm a healer." She ushered Addison to the nurse's station and returned to her patient.

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Half an hour later, Addison got off the phone at the nurse's station as soon as Derek came by to get a chart.

"Hey babe" he greeted, pecking her on the cheek.

"Hi... guess who's coming down to Seattle?" Addie had an evil, mysterious grin planted on her face.

"I have no idea... lemme think... Kendel's here... your brother Eric coming back?" Derek was half-distracted, he was inspecting a brain tumor patient's chart.

"No no, noone like that. Melaney."

"Melaney... cool" Derek was still distracted. "What? Melaney?" he cried out when the information finally processed into his brain. "As in my little sister?"

Addison nodded "I can't wait to see her... haven't seen her in a while."

"She hates me."

"She doesn't hate you" Addison reassured "She just... thinks you're a retard" She grinned.

"Thaanks... so helpful" Derek replied sarcastically "You know she adores and idolizes you."

"That she does." his wife said smugly. "I'm bored..." she complained "Entertain me please?"

"Didn't Jess say no sex?"

"She said no _vigorous_ activities..."

"But that's not fun"

"Fine. I don't need you." Addison frowned as Derek walked away. "Heyyyy wait up." she wheeled towards her left.

Chrissie the janitor looked up from her endless mopping "Can I help you with something?" she asked, eying Addison up and down suspiciously.

"I'm bored"

"What am I supposed to do about that?"

"Give me the mop" Addison directed "I'll mop and you can take a rest."

Chrissie shook her head "Noo... I think you should be the one resting" She struggled for the mop, which Addison was trying to grab from her hands.

"I'm a pregnant woman dying of boredom. Help me out!" Addison whined.

"Shut up!" Chrissie flicked her hand out quickly, causing Addison to close her mouth. Meredith Grey was walking by, which was a reason enough to shut up, but this time, Chrissie had something up her sleeve. She stuck the mop out sneakily as Meredith came to them. Meredith fell flat on her face.

"Now what the hell was that all about?" Meredith was pissed. Again.

"Ahh... say hello to your new worst nightmare" Chrissie waved smugly. Addison was stifling fits of laughter. Meredith rolled her eyes and continued on the direction she was headed towards.

"Okay... I love you" Addison laughed as soon as Meredith was out of earshot.

"Haha... all in a day's work" Chrissie shrugged.

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"I'm not going." Derek said stubbornly in the bed of the trailer the next morning. He was still in bed, face buried in his pillow.

"Yes you are." Addison argued.

"You can go without me if you want."

"She's your sister. You have to come."

"Ughhh" Derek groaned.

"Derek. I may be pregnant. Sitting around all day in a wheelchair. But I still carry the pants in this house." She pulled the sheets from Derek, causing him to shiver in only his underwear.

"It's cold!"

"I turned on the air conditioner" Addison replied simply. "Get your lazy ass out of bed and dressed, ya hear?" She rolled out of the room, she felt so helpless laying around, the wheelchair didn't help but at least she could move around.

"You suck." Derek reluctantly hopped out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a thick sweatshirt that was laying around. They drove to the airport again. Addison felt like they practically lived at the airport, there was always someone who was arriving or leaving.

"Mel!" In an act of defiance, Addison stood up from her wheelchair and rushed to hug her sister-in-law. "Don't tell Jess I'm out of the chair... she'll kill me."

Melaney giggled "So good to see you again Addie." Derek uncomfortably stuffed his hands in his coat pockets and twirled his feet on the green floor. "Hi Derek" she greeted with less enthusiam.

Derek cleared his throat "Hello Mel." They refrained from hugging each other.

"Soo... how's that nursery you were telling me about on the phone yesterday?" Mel asked.

"The house is coming together... the kitchen isn't completely finished. Oh Lord help us..." Addison grinned.

"I suppose you decorated it?" Mel sneered at Derek, who stuck his tongue out in return.

"Yeah... and you two are acting like 7 year olds. Stop it!"

"Ooh hormones acting up?" Derek teased.

"Shut up Derek" Mel said.

"See, I told you she hates me." Derek said out loud to noone in particular.

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The sporking was coming together. Kayli had at least 15 of them in a small plastic Ziploc bag. She had plans. She also had a large sum of money to her name, having taken Rissa's advice and sued the frying cook. And she obtained the frying pan which was used against her. Ah yes, all was well in the life of Kayli.

"Good morning" Rissa greeted as she entered the room.

"Heyy" Kayli was twiddling with a spork.

Rissa glanced down at the watch on her wrist. "You have a visitor."

Kendel emerged from the door, holding a bottle of wine. "Brought you something..."

"Umm yeah... thanks. For making me rich" Kayli smirked, Kendel was her lawyer.

"Well it wasn't for free." Kendel had taken a healthy portion of the earnings. She cracked open the bottle and poured some into 2 plastic cups.

Kayli took a sip of the alcholic beverage. "I also need your help on something else..." she whispered into Kendy's ear.

"Ooh I like that. That was the woman who screwed my sister's husband right?" Kendel knew that name was familiar.

"Your sister is Addison Shepherd? Damn... lucky bitch."

"I know." Kendel grinned. "So about your plan..."

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This story keeps getting weirder and weirder, I am well aware of that. There are so many characters its hard to keep track... but they insisted on being in here lol. hope you enjoyed it!


	9. Chapter 9

Because i love you all... i'm updating faster. Is it sad to say that someone cough Brandy cough knows my fic better than I do? Because i forgot what kind of house the Shepherds's are living in and well... she remembered. Derek still has a trailer... and they have a "temporary" house P

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"You invited Mark!" Derek slapped his hand against a large clipboard. "oww" he grimaced to himself.

"Yeah, so?" Addison shrugged. "I thought you didn't want to go because it's too 'girlish' for you."

"Well why the hell did you invite Mark to your baby shower then!"

"What are you, jealous? Am I really going to cheat on you with these?" She pointed to her bulging abdomen.

Derek stifled a smile "Not the point dear."

"I don't know. Brandy and Mel set most of this up, they just asked me to write a guest list."

"And you invited Mark." Derek folded his hands across his chest.

"Yes I did. We had a strong friendship going that was brutally murdered, come on Derek, you were once great friends with that man."

"Before he slept with my wife." Derek said bitterly.

"Are you like afraid of me doing it again? Come on, we talked on the phone for a minute, he's bringing a date. A new girlfriend he has."

"So, that doesn't mean anything."

Addison rolled her eyes "You're just being irrational. 7 kids including Brandy, does that mean anything to you?" she rolled out of the room, feigning disgust.

Derek followed Addison into the kitchen, where Brandy and Mel were frosting a large layered cake. "Hey" the two greeted.

Addison waved, Derek opened his mouth to say something but she interrupted "We are not discussing Mark any further" she hissed.

Mel heard and sweetly smiled "I told Addie she should invite him"

"You what!" Derek was clearly pissed at his sister.

"Well yeah, I said it would be a good idea." Mel dipped her finger into the white, creamy frosting and took a lick. "Mmm this is good stuff..." Brandy beamed with pride, the pair had been working on it since breakfast.

Derek threw his arms in the air due to frustration "Mel! You know how much I hate Mark!"

Mel just grinned "Oh yes... I am well aware of that."

Groaning, Derek took another peek at the guest list. "What the hell, the janitor's coming?"

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"I'm inviting Meredith" Derek entered their bedroom an hour later, holding a while cordless phone in his hands.

"What?" Addison was trying on earrings which had been a gift from her husband. Small diamond studs which shone like stars against her perfect ears. "What did she say?"

"Still trying to get an answer." He feverishly dialed the numbers again, hoping that she would come. If Mark was coming, why not Meredith?

Meredith was stoned hard. "Ugghhh" she muttered, and laid down on the grass. Her cellphone vibrated, she pulled it out and weakly said "hello?"

"Meredith! It's Derek... did you get my voicemail?" Derek sounded flustered.

"No." Meredith's voice was hoarse, as if she had a really bad cold. "What about?"

"Want to come over? Addison's having a baby shower... just thinking you might wanna hang out."

Meredith groaned. Her head throbbed and the rest of her body felt like crap. "No... it's Addison. You're having a family, why do you need me in your life?" she rubbed her aching head, wishing she hadn't tried to get high. The aftermath was so much worse.

"It'll be fun. Addie and her friends will do their own thing and you and I hang out somewhere else."

Meredith snorted "I hope you're not going to cheat on her when she looks like that."

"Just... come..."

"No. And that's final." She jabbed the red "end call" button and groaned again.

Addison heard Derek's half of the conversation. "So you were planning to be with her alone somewhere else huh?"

"I didn't mean it that way honey." He planted a kiss on her forehead.

"Too bad. Someone's going to be my personal slave." Addison grinned, and thrust a large book in his hands. "Neonatology... study it because you're the one changing all the diapers. Brandy and Mel will make sure of that." She wheeled off, leaving Derek with a sigh.

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"You look incredibly glompable" Brandy walked up to a random stranger and giggled. Mel laughed beside her. "Havin' a party today... wanna come?"

Rissa looked up from her book "Who me?"

"Yes, because we all want to glomp you" Mel pretended to look serious.

"Haha you know it. Alright... what's the party about?"

"It's for a very hot redhead... I really shouldn't be saying that about my adoptive mom..." Brandy said.

"You're coming whether you like it or not." Mel interrupted.

"I can't. I have patients. Well... patient." Rissa pointed towards Kayli's room.

"Bring her too. We'll party." Brandy said.

"See ya at 3" Mel threw her an invitation and the two went off.

"We're inviting random people aren't we?" Brandy remarked.

"Oh that's the whole point now... besides, I want to piss Derek off." Mel smirked.

"What is it with you and Derek?" Brandy asked.

"He's a man-whore and a retard." Mel simply answered.

The pair walked out the doors. What they saw was unbelievable... Alisa was slapping Meredith with her purse. Meredith weakly fought back, but her scrawny figure was no match.

"Oh my god... I love her already. She's bitchslapping the whore my idiot brother fell in love with." Mel said.

"I am finding this quite amusing..." replied Brandy.

With a remaining bit of strength, Meredith ran inside for cover. Alisa looked satisfied, and started walking away.

"Hey!" Brandy and Mel cried out spontaneously.

Alisa turned around "What?"

"We saw you um... beating up that person... you look pretty cool... wanna join us for a party?" Brandy got the courage to ask her, although she did come off a bit stalkerish.

Alisa eyed them suspiciously "Why?"

"My sister in law... well I consider her more my sister, is pregnant, we're having a baby shower... and we're just inviting random people." Mel spat out.

"Um... okay..." Alisa looked at them like they were crazy, but snatched the invitation from Brandy's waiting hands. "Thanks..."

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Party time. Derek watched as Mel and Brandy blew up balloons and finished some last minute decorating. Addison was at the hospital with Jess, they were supposed to come any minute.

_Ding dong. _"I'll get it_" _Derek headed towards the door and opened it.

"Well well, if it isn't Derek" Mark grinned, holding a woman in his left arm.

"Mark" Derek greeted bitterly.

"Hey... this is my girl Chelsea" Mark said. Chels meekly waved.

"Yeah whatever" muttered Derek, and walked away.

"Mark!" Mel ran to the front door and embraced her friend. "How's things?" She hugged Chelsea too.

"Eww it's Melaney. Just kidding." he smiled.

"Here... come inside" Mel directed. At that moment, the whole party seemed to be arriving. Kendel entered, bearing a small wrapped gift. Then came Rissa and Kayli, Chrissie the janitor, Alisa, Crys the soon to be nanny, Savvy and Weiss. But Jess and Addie were nowhere to be seen.

"Alright... head count" Derek murmured, trying to keep track of everyone. How does Addie know all these people? he wondered.

Finally, the reason they were here arrived. Addison was carefully walking up the stairs, looking like she was about to fall over with all that weight. Jess had her arms wrapped around her, trying to keep her up. "Hi everyone!" Addie smiled.

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yeah... this chapter is longer than I anticipated so it's gonna be a 2 parter... I'll try to update tomorrow. Enjoy, and I know it's hard keeping track of all the characters I added. At first I anticipated this was the chapter the FHB's were going to be born... but I was like 'hey... let's have a baby shower first or something.'


	10. Chapter 10

Mel clapped her hands. She had something that would possibly piss Derek off. "Alright everyone... gather 'round the living room, I brought something."

"I wonder what it could be." an anonymous voice in the crowd said.

From the corner of her eye Mel glanced at Derek "Well... I was unpacking my things... and this happened to be in there." She pulled out a pole from behind the couch. Brandy grinned and winked.

"Mel, this is a baby shower, not one of your stupid parties." Derek scolded and looked like he was about to slap her "Show some decency."

"Oh, does someone want to be our first volunteer?" Mel threw her hands in the air with excitement. "I thought you weren't sticking around for the shower. Don't you have some _surgery_ to attend?" she ended bitterly.

Derek turned pink. "We used to be tight... you were my favorite sister. What the hell happened?"

Mel grabbed her brother by the collar and dragged him into the kitchen. "Yes, I used to adore and cherish you when we were younger. You married Addison, I love her like a sister. She and I were really close. Then suddenly, you start ignoring her and become this ass who's never there for his wife. And that's when the hating began. When you just picked up and ran to Seattle, that was the end of the line."

"I'm sorry" Derek said meekly.

"Damn well you better be." Mel gave him a final dirty look and returned to the living room. "Alright... who's gonna go on the pole."

"I'd like to see Derek dancing on a pole." Addison spoke up. Chuckles and snickers were heard among the group. "I'm sure as hell not going on!" Addison laughed, rubbing her stomach which was the size of a large pumpkin.

"That would qualify as vigorous work." Jess smirked "Doctor's orders." Everyone giggled at the thought of a pregnant woman working the pole.

"I'm hungry." Kayli said randomly, lounging on the black leather couch.

"We have a whole bunch of cookies over there." Brandy pointed to a large white clothed table in the dining room.

"Ehh I don't feel like walking up." Kayli said lazily. "Marisa dear, would you get one for me?"

"I'm not your slave" Rissa replied

"But you're my doctor." argued Kayli.

"We're outside the hospital. Here, you're my friend." Rissa grabbed a cookie and took a big bite out of it just to mock her.

"THAAANKS bitch" Kayli huffed "Guess I'll get it on my own..." She got up and swiped 2 from the tray.

"I love you too Kay!" Rissa called back from the living room.

"Seriously, who's going on the pole?" Mel asked when the scene was over. Addison fitfully rubbed her sore back, and everyone just looked around at each other.

Mark spoke up. "I volunteer Chelsea here."

Chelsea blushed "Shut up Mark."

Brandy smirked. She was seated next to Alisa, and slowly nudged her towards the pole. "I nominate Alisa, our own drug-dealer."

Jess cocked an eyebrow skeptically "What's a drug dealer doing here? How do you even know her?"

"Hey hey, she's cool. I saw her beating up Meredith Grey." Mel defended.

"Yeah that was hilarious." said Alisa. She straightened her outfit in preparation to do the pole.

"Oh, a fellow Meredith hater too." Chrissie grinned "I trip her with a broom every chance I get."

"Yes, and I love you for that." Addison said.

"Meredith Grey? I hate her..." Kayli said, rubbing the spork that was in her pocket. She was also holding a plastic grocery bag. "Free sporks... everyone take one but don't lose it." she instructed. Everyone crowded around her and helped themselves.

"Ahem." Alisa cleared her throat and all attention was directed towards her. Mel had given her a skimpy outfit to wear, she was all dressed up and ready to work it. She did so gracefully, each movement slick and smooth. It was a magnificent sight to watch. The group clapped and cheered when the performance was over. Alisa bowed. "Hey, who's up next?"

"Kendel would make a very hot stripper." Kayli winked mischeiviously.

"You're jealous because you're not as hot as I am." Kendel ripped off her sweatshirt and threw it in a corner of the room. "I've been practicing some moves" she demonstrated feverishly, perfectly showing off the ancient art of stripping.

Derek entered the room with a twinge of disgust. He couldn't help but stare at Kendel though, oh what a sight it was. "I can't believe we're doing this at a baby shower" he murmured.

"Oh lighten up Derek." Jess said "We're having fun, aren't we?" Everyone nodded, causing Derek to roll his eyes. Kendel finished her little act, now Chrissie was doing some demonstration with a broom. She was demonstrating its other uses, there are many ways to kill someone with a simple broom.

"Be right back... I'm going to get the cake." Mel quietly excused herself and scurried into the kitchen, returning with a large layer cake. She and Brandy got the knives and started slicing through the lucious dessert.

Addison noticed the tension between Derek and Mark. "Guys... what is your problem?"

Derek didn't answer, only shot his ex-best friend a threatening glare. Mark grinned. "Derek... if this will shut you up..." He grabbed Chelsea madly and lavishly started kissing her. She was surprised at the suddenness of it, but delighted.

"Thanks" Chelsea said a few minutes later, licking her lips.

"Point taken." Mark looked at Derek and took a swig of his beer. By now, the cake was divided and ready to be served. Mel and Brandy passed the plates piled with the dessert around and everyone started eating. Light conversations were all around, everyone seemed to be bunched in small groups and making their own little small talk.

Addison felt uncomfortable. She squirmed in her seat motioned for Jess to come over. "Jess..." she hoarsely whispered.

Jess felt her heart skip a beat "Addie what's wrong?"

Tugging on her friend's sleeve, she muttered "I think it's time... and who would know it better than I do?"

Jess nodded "Alright... but what are we going to do?"

"Kick them out, leave them here... I don't care!" Addison grimaced at the shot of pain from another contraction. "I just need to go... somewhere with drugs. Lots and lots of drugs..."

Closing her eyes, Jess began to think. She walked up to Derek. "It's time..." she whispered.

"Time? For what?" Derek sounded confused.

Jess motioned to Addison with her eyes. "Dumbass... look at her! Hint:what's she's carrying in her uterus."

"Ohhhhh. Gotcha..." Derek weakly smiled. "So... this is it."

"Yeah... I'll take her to the car." Jess left the house along with Addie. Mel quietly noticed the scene and followed them, curious.

"Brandy... come over here for a sec." Derek called out. "Addison... she's..."

"Yeah, I noticed she was in pain... I saw her and Jess leave." Brandy nodded. Derek smiled and ran out to the car with Mel and Jess. "Alright" she announced. "the party is headed to Seattle Grace Hospital. Crys... we need you."

"What? Why?" Crys stood up.

"Let's just say... Addison is ready..." Brandy trailed off. "I think we should all go, the party is pretty much over anyway. Too bad she wasn't able to open her gifts yet."

"Okay why are we just sitting here?" Chrissie said. "Let's go... I'm sure I have some new floors to clean."

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So yes... full house. Kinda hard writing and keeping track of everyone... lol. And I know I lied, I procrastinated and this chapter is a little late.

And review! Need some suggestions for the names of the FHB's! Who knows... maybe I'll name one of the Addek kids after you ;-).


	11. Chapter 11

Some fifteen minutes later, the whole party was at Seattle Grace Hospital. Jess wheeled Addison into the OR, with Mel and Derek following, arguing along the way. Everyone else remained in the waiting room, except for Chrissie, who had changed into her work uniform. She needed an excuse to be present at the birth, and what better way than pretending to be mopping the OR?

"You can't be here." Derek said. "Only 1 person can be in the OR."

"And that would be me." Mel walked faster in an effort to beat her brother.

"Excuse me? I'm her husband." Derek cocked an eyebrow at his sister.

"Who never paid much attention to her." Mel retorted back. "I'm the sister in law who's practically a sister that adores her to death."

"You aren't even related by blood." Derek argued. "You can see them when the ordeal is over, wait like everyone else."

"You work here Derek. I'm sure you can find a way in."

"It's a family thing Mel."

"Aren't I family? I have a right to be there."

"_Immediate_ family." At that moment they reached the door leading to OR 3, the only one that happened to be free. "Sorry Melly dear, but I'll see you later." Derek entered the door and closed it behind him. Mel, clearly pissed, stomped off to find the rest of the group.

"So any news?" Brandy stood up as soon as Mel was in sight.

"NO. The jackass also known as my brother kicked me out of the OR." Mel folded her arms across her chest.

"Aww poor Mel." Chelsea said, sitting on a bench, with Mark's right arm embraced around her.

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Addison was quickly placed on an operating table and pumped with anesthesia. Derek sat on a stool beside her, gently rubbing her cheek, hands gripped tightly.

"You ready dearie?" Jess asked kindly, picking up a nearby scalpel. Addison slowly nodded, Derek planted a soft kiss on her cheek.

"You can do this." Derek whispered. Addison closed her eyes. Jess was making the first incision. Chrissie, pretending to be mopping, just stood there still, examining the surgery. Jess gave her a funny look, but continued with the c-section anyway.

Silence was in the air the next few moments. Then, breaking the stillness was a small, weak cry as Jess pulled a scrawny little pinkish thing out and placed the eldest baby into a nurse's waiting arms. Addison let out a small giggle of delight, and Derek stifled an urge to jump up for joy.

One by one the rest followed, with Jess's patient arms guiding them into the world. 6 babies. Just born. About to start a life of their own. Their wails flooded the OR and then the NICU as they were wheeled away.

"Good job." Derek whispered, patting her head.

Addison shut her eyes. "I feel empty."

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"I'm bored." Mel complained, sitting in the chair in a way it wasn't meant to be sat in. The tips of her long, dirty blonde locks swept the less-than-clean floor.

Kendel stood up and peered her surroundings. "I say let's have a contest." She was eyeing a nearby pole when she said those words.

Kayli nodded "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Hell yeah" Kendel nodded and ran to the pole faster than you could say 'stripper'. "Kayli and Kendel, the stripping duo. Be jealous. And you know you all love me." Kendel announced to whoever was nearby within earshot. Kayli grinned and hopped on, the two made a fabulous pair. Some random passerbys were a bit horrified to see strippers in a hospital, but everyone who was at Addison's baby shower cheered on for them.

"Doo de doo" Chrissie whistled and glided into the room, with her mop in tow.

"Hey anything?" Brandy anxiously asked, everyone directing their attention away from the strippers and towards the janitor. Kendel scowled at everyone turning their heads, dismounted from the pole and walked towards the group with Kayli, anticipating news.

"Jess kicked me out of the OR. She was sewing Addie up and said I didn't have a reason to be in there anymore. But I saw the babies, cute, tiny little things." Chrissie said with a shrug, part of her mind was concentrated on something else. Meredith, who was unfortunate enough to be walking by, skimmed her way past Chrissie, looking down on the floor in case she decided to pull that stunt again.

However, the janitor had something else in mind. She seized her mop, and as soon as Meredith walked a yard away, Chrissie thrust the mop into her back.

Meredith's back curved forward on impact. "Ow! Dammit that hurt!" She turned around to face Chrissie, eyes bursting with anger. "Stop all this shit or I will kick your ass next time I see you." she threatened. With a turn on her heel, she walked away.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Chrissie looked around. Alisa started giggling and soon everyone else followed suit.

"Does she seriously think she could do that? I mean, Addison so kicks her ass in bed... and everywhere else" Mel said when their giggles subsided. Her jaw was aching from laughing so hard.

"Ahh I hope that's not from personal experience..." Brandy smirked. Mel rolled her eyes. "Just kidding."

At that moment, Derek came out, with an expression so full of joy it looked like he had just gotten high. "I'm a dad" he exclaimed happily.

"No really?" Mel said. "Details."

"And can we at least go see them?" Brandy asked, excited that she was a big sister after years of being an only child.

"Umm yeah... follow me." Derek gestured with his arm towards the stairs, seeing as the elevator wouldn't fit the whole party.

Finally, the long awaited trip up to the NICU was completed. Jess was examining the babies and finishing a postpartum evaluation on Addison, who appeared to be just fine; she was upbeat and smiling. "Hello everybody." Jess greeted half distractedly, at the same time filling out charts for Addison and her sextuplets.

Addison waved "Welcome... they're here..." She was still in a wheelchair, gently touching her youngest child, the one nearest the door.

"We can see that." Mel walked up to her sister in law and rubbed her shoulder. Everyone else huddled around the incubators of the tiny creatures, marveling with delight at how small, frail, yet alive they were.

Derek cleared his throat in an effort to catch everyone's attention "Okay, Addie and I have decided that... well... we haven't named them yet, we would like to hear your suggestions. There are... 4 girls and 2 boys."

"That's because women trump men." Addie retorted with a grin. She and Derek were preoccupied with their youngest, the weakest and sickliest of the bunch. "We can assign some of you with a baby... if you want... or a specific job." She looked at her younger sister. fondly and said "Kendel here will be the one buying outfits and dressing them up..." Addison knew how much her sister loved shopping, and dressing up babies, especially girls, into cute, frilly outfits.

"Crys is our nanny, Brandy as you all know, is the older sister of them." Derek said. "So what about names..."

Addison interrupted "Derek and I have decided that this little one... well we've named her Jessica Christine. After Jess, my best friend and obstetrician through all this, and Christine after our wacky janitor." Jess and Chrissie beamed at the mention of their names.

"I think Addy should name one of her fabulous babies after her favorite sister" Kendel said

Addison laughed "Fine... you choose who."

Kendel skimmed the row of babies carefully before finally stopping "I choose... her. She has the best hair" she said, pointing to the third baby.

"Won't we get mixed up between you two?" Derek remarked.

"Psh. Fine. Kendra then. Close enough." Kendel said with a shrug.

"Fine, then I'm naming one after my favorite sister." Derek said. "Let's see... that one looks like a Jennifer." He stood in front of his eldest child.

Mel put her hands on her hips "So you had to choose the sister that despises me."

"She only hates you because you hate me." retorted Derek.

"She spoils you like crazy." Mel argued.

"Come on guys... no fighting." Addison wheeled between the two siblings. "Let's just... stay happy."

"Well tell my sister to leave all her unnecessary comments to herself" Derek said loudly.

"Derek!" Addison hissed, glaring at her husband. "Shut up."

"Do what the woman says." Mel smirked at her brother.

"Hey, can I name one?" Brandy asked. Addison nodded. "I think she should be Kari... don't ask me why." Brandy was pointing to the baby next to Kendra.

"Nice name." Addison remarked.

"Alright... all done with the girls... time for the boys." Derek clapped his hands together.

"Ohhh let's name one Mark." Mel said sweetly.

Derek rolled his eyes "Uhh... no. Where is he anyway?"

"Don't know... I think the Chief found him and asked him for a consult." Chelsea said.

"Fine... his name will be Taylor then." Mel said.

"And... that leaves one more." Addison said, looking around.

"And the mother has the honor of naming the last one." Derek planted a quick kiss on her forehead.

Addison sat in her chair in deep thought. "I want something unique... I think Landon is nice."

"So our six kids are named..." Derek looked at each and every one of them in order of their birth. "Jennifer, Taylor, Kendra, Kari, Landon and Jessica."

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I tried to think of names of our Addeks... Jen, Taylor, Kendel, Kari, Jess and Chrissie. And Landon, that was a totally random name. hope you dont mind me uh... borrowing your name. lol.

Review! sporking will come very soon...


	12. Chapter 12

Okay, from my beloved grapevine, I heard that Kendel hates the name Kendra (personally i like it but if she doesn't, then whatever), so the fhb's name is now officially Kendel and Derek can go fuck himself. ) Mel is on my ass about updating... soo here it is. And school is finally out for me so I have more time to waste away doing nothing and writing fic! Haha

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Addison and Derek were utterly exhausted. Despite all the help that had come their way, the sextuplets were physically and emotionally draining. Every minute one needed to be fed, one needed a diaper change, and someone always needed to be lulled to sleep. As much as they loved their babies, they would give anything for a long decent nap.

"They're sucking me dry." Addison moaned one night, laying back on the covers of their king sized mattress. Derek's head was slouched on top of his pillow, his eyes were shut in an attempt to catch up on shut-eye.

"They're only 2 weeks old Addie." Derek said with a chuckle "How much can they really eat?"

"Haha" Addison scoffed "They seriously never stop eating... I think they inherited YOUR genes."

"I don't eat that much!" Derek shot back.

"Sigh" Addison looked up longingly at her husband. "If only you could breastfeed..."

"So... you said your breasts are sucked dry..." Derek turned on his side to face his wife.

Addison laughed "Ah indeed they are naughty boy."

"Mhmm" Derek grinned, lifting his index finder and lightly pressing it against Addy's chin. She giggled softly.

"So, can I touch them?" Derek asked with a sneaky twinkle in his eye.

"Hahaha" Addison laughed "I'll think about it" she winked.

"Please say yes."

Addison rolled her eyes "Ok-ay." She rolled on her back.

"Ohhh" Derek moaned, rubbing his hands against her chest. "You're turning me on..."

"We're too tired to even take our kids outside..." Addison rubbed her throbbing temples.

"Oh but we're never too tired for sex." Derek's hands moved down to his wife's stomach.

"Hmm tempting..." The two crept under the covers and did the naughty.

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Kendel and Kayli were celebrating a girl's night out at Joe's bar. The pair strolled around the bar with drinks in their hands, attracting the stares of men they walked by.

"They love us." Kayli murmured into Kendel's ear.

"What's not to love." Kendel replied, feeling quite tipsy. She wasn't able to recall how much alcohol she consumed that evening before approaching a random stranger. "Hey babe." She smiled her drunken smile.

Meredith laid an empty shot glass down on the table. She eyed Kendel suspiciously. "Who the hell are you?

"The sister of the woman who stole your beloved boyfriend." Kayli broke in with a sneer.

"Oh you" Meredith shook her head at Kayli. Their feelings were mutual, she had caught Kayli cheering during one of Alisa's beat-up sessions.

"Do you have a problem _avec mon amie?_" Kendel said, leaning against Kayli. She usually spoke a mixture of English and French while drunk, more French than English.

"Fuck you" Meredith picked up her purse from the counter and started heading towards the exit. While she approached the door, Kayli expertly flung a spork in that direction. It narrowly missed Meredith's right ear and slammed into her right shoulder. "Ow!" she shrieked, rubbing her sore shoulder, which was starting to swell.

"Tee hee" Kayli smirked and waved goodbye snarkily to Meredith.

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"You get a good night's sleep?" Crys asked early the next morning, as she shook Jennifer gently to sleep. It was dawn, a little after 6.

Addison yawned "Oh yeah. It was good. Real good."

Crys smiled "Glad to hear that..." She put Jenny down and picked up Kendel to hand over to Addison "This one here needs a feeding, and Landon needs a fresh diaper... and Jess will be here a little later." She fumbled with the stack of diapers on the changing table.

"Oh alright" Addy cuddled Kendel against her chest. Kendel let out a soft wail.

At that moment, Derek walked into the nursery, fumbling with the buttons on his shirt. "Hi everybody" he cheerily greeted, peering over the basinettes. "My sleeping angels..." he swooned.

"Our sleeping angels." Addison corrected, swaying back and forth on the rocking chair.

"Yes." Derek kissed his wife on the cheek. He walked over to where Taylor was sleeping. "Hey you." Derek said tenderly and leaned in; their heads were only a couple inches apart. Just then Taylor coughed, and spat out a foul smelling substance, right on Derek's chin. Taylor giggled playfully and made a circular motion with his hands and legs.

"Great... just what I needed." Derek said sarcastically.

Noone seemed to notice that Mel was standing at the doorway in her pajamas and had witnessed the whole scene. "Oh if only I had a camera." she said wistfully. "I would take a picture and you can see how ridiuculous you look right now" She grinned and entered the nursery. "Good morning" she said sweetly and softly patted Kari's head.

"Shut up." Derek helped himself to a bib and wiped the spit up off his face.

"Hey hey, stop with the negativity." Crys scolded and placed Landon back in his crib.

"She started it." Derek argued.

Mel folded her arms. "Whatever."

"Do I need to get a restraining order for you two?" Addison said. "Every minute when you two are together it always ends up with arguing."

"I wouldn't mind that." Mel said. Derek just glared at her.

"Okay, someone get out before they all wake up and start crying." Crys ordered sternly.

"I'm not leaving." Mel said stubbornly.

"I have to go to work." Derek muttered.

Mel heard. "You're always at work... don't even give a crap about your family." she said bitterly. "Patients always come first, I know."

"Mel!" Addison hissed, pulling on her sister-in-law's sleeve, trying to stop a potential arguement. "Stop it!"

"Well it's true!" she argued back. "Absent. Work. Sorry, can't make it. Aren't those words familiar."

"I fucked up back then. I get it. But now this time I have a wife, and 7 kids to support. And you. And I'm in love with my wife." Derek grinned.

"Mhmm..." Mel stared at her brother skeptically.

"We had sex last night. Hot sex." Derek couldn't help but smile. He and Addison exchanged sneaky looks.

"I did not need to know that..."

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Brandy entered the nursery about half an hour later. "Hey... I heard arguing this morning... and Derek stormed out the door like he was pissed... is everything alright?"

Mel was seated at the bay window, rocking Kari to sleep. "I hate him."

Addison broke in "Seriously? I'm sick of all this hate... I would get a restraining order except then one of you will have to leave."

Jess motioned for Brandy to come closer to her. "I need you to do me a favor." she said. "Derek and I are working on a case together, I did some research last night and I won't be at the hospital until later so can you give this to him for me now?" Jess handed her a thick blue folder. "Addison can't go, and I'm pretty sure Mel doesn't want to."

Brandy nodded "Yeah, sure."

"Hey wait." Addison said. She grabbed a diaper and a pen and hastily scribbled a short note on it. "Give this to him..."

"You want me to give him a diaper?" Brandy said with a giggle.

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Mark aimlessly wandered the halls of Seattle Grace Hospital. He spotted Derek and headed towards him. "Hey man... do you have any idea where Chelsea is? I haven't seen her all morning, I think she was visiting a friend here."

"Nope." Derek was filling out a chart and didn't bother to look up. "Leave me alone."

"What the hell is your problem? I love my girlfriend, I'm staying away from that wife of yours, and here you are still ignoring me." Mark said angrily. "What happened was a long time ago... can't you just forget it?"

Derek looked his ex-bestfriend in the eye. "No."

Just then Brandy walked up to them. "Jess sends these." she said, handing him the folder. "And this is from Addy" She gingerly handed him the diaper.

"What kind of wife sends a diaper..." Derek shook his head with a grin. Inside, it read:

_Dearest Derek,_

_I love you._

_Kayli and Kendel have a gift for you. Keep it... it'll come in handy._

_Mel sends her hate._

_Do you like crap?_

_I don't._

_Your turn for diaper duty tonight. Mel, Crys, Brandy, and I are going out later._

_Have fun._

_xoxo Addy_

Enclosed was a spork, probably the gift that Addison mentioned about. "A spork?" he said with a confused expression, dangling the white utensil the the air. "It's a very nice spork..." he said to nobody in particular.

"Yeah, we all have sporks..." Brandy said.

Meredith reluctantly approched Derek. Alisa and Chrissie were behind her. "I have something to tell you..." Meredith mumbled.

"Go on." Chrissie nudged a mop into her back.

"I..." Meredith paused.

"Stop again and we are going outside." Alisa threatened. Her fists were fired up and ready if needed.

Meredith let out a deep breath. "Fine. Derek. I cheated on you when we were going out. I slept with Alex when I wasn't with you. And I'm pretty sure I was with Burke one night. Oh and don't forget my one night stands." She scratched her head with thought. "Derek... I'm a whore."

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hahahaha review!


	13. Chapter 13

Meredith's shocking (okay... not so shocking because we all know she is!) revelation... don't throw rocks at me for that though.

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There were rumors. Rumors that a new ER doc that recently transferred from Mercy West. A crazy doctor that happened to share a common obsession with sporks as Kayli. Apparently she was loaded with them, stashed tightly in her pockets to be called out whenever there was a spork emergency. Or if she just felt like brutally murdering an unwanted pest.

Her real name was Felicity, but she went around as Flick. She was dark, mysterious, but carried out her duty day after day, treating each patient that entered the hectic emergency room with injuries that would make anyone cringe just at the sight. Broken bones, comas, bleeding wounds, painful burns; it was all in a day's work.

"Yoo what's shakin'" Kayli had heard about this fellow spork lover and was curious about this chick. It was lunchtime, Flick had sat in a corner on purpose so she wouldn't be disturbed. Rissa was chatting with a couple other doctors which left Kayli free to wander as she pleased.

Flick looked up from her cold-cut sandwich suspiciously. "Hi... and you are?"

Kayli didn't respond, simply pulled a spork out of her pocket and slided it across the lunch table.

"Ahh..." Flick nodded, acknowledging that Kayli was a friend. "Sporks."

"Yeah, I've heard the rumors. Supposedly you have at least 600 in your locker?"

"666 to be exact." Flick answered with an evil grin.

"Damn you suck. You have more than I do..."

Flick decided to change the subject. "See that bitch over there?" she said, pointing her finger to where Meredith Grey was standing. "I hate her. First day on the job, she tried correcting a mistake I made. And it's like 'Hey, I'm a big, powerful attending and you're only a scrawny intern, who's the boss here?'"

"So I see I'm not the only one that hates her. I think a lot of us do... hey can you keep a secret?"

"Maaybe."

"Whatever." Kayli leaned towards Flick and whispered softly into her ear.

"Hahaha" laughed Flick. "I like that. I'm in."

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Addison was waiting patiently at the kitchen table. Mel was supposed to be back any moment now from the grocery store, where Addison had asked her to pick up a few things.

Mel arrived a few minutes later, 2 large paper bags in hand. Addison had asked her to get diapers, a pack of sporks, and a lottery ticket. Honestly, Addison had a lifetime supply of diapers stored in every inch of the house, but she needed an excuse to send Mel out. As for the lottery ticket, well what was woman supposed to do cooped up in the house with nothing better to do than to clean house and look after her sleeping kids? Derek was home, and she didn't want to provoke another fight.

"Hey." Mel greeted, placing her items out on the kitchen counter.

"Ready for girls' night out? Brandy and Crys are upstairs getting dressed."

"Um yeah, just let me do something with my hair..."

"Wait. Mel. I want to talk to you."

"What about?" Mel helped herself to a stool next to Addison.

"You and Derek. Why can't the two of you just get along?" asked Addison. She didn't sound exasperated or annoyed, just sick of their quarrels. "When I first met Derek, you two seemed loving, he would talk about you all the time. You were his favorite sister. Eventually you and I were as close as sisters too."

"Well things change." Mel snapped back "I used to adore him, he was my role model. And when he met you, I approved of you over all those skanky girlfriends he had. I was bursting with joy when you guys announced you were getting married. The next decade was great, until you guys started falling apart. From what I've heard it was mostly his fault."

"Mel." Addison said gently. "I love that you're hating him for my sake, but we both made mistakes. And we're trying to fix them. We're stable now, you don't have to worry about us."

"It's not just that. Is it wrong when I secretly cheered when you cheated on Mark and my brother felt all that pain inside? He broke your heart and I was glad when it was reciprocated. And I hate that girlfriend he got in Seattle, what the hell was he thinking when he said he fell in love with her?" Mel paused "Please, knowing him, all they did was have sex, what kind of love is that?"

Addison looked uncomfortable. "Okay. Mel. Stop. I don't want to think about that bitch. Or them in bed together."

"Sorry." Mel said meekly. "I was on a roll."

"When he came home he was pissed. He muttered something about her being a slut."

"Oh yeah." Brandy interrupted, coming down the stairs, sticking a bobby pin into her hair. "I was there. Let me quote her 'I'm a whore.' Derek looked like he wanted to slap her, somehow Chrissie and Alisa found out that she cheated while they were together and they forced her to tell."

Mel laughed "Another reason to hate Meredith Grey."

At that moment Crys came out of the bathroom, all dressed up. "Where are we going for this girls' night out?"

Addison shrugged "I don't know, I just wanted to get out of the house. And see if Derek can manage by himself." She poured herself a glass of ice water out of the pitcher. "Men..."

"Suck." Mel finished the sentence for her. "Excuse me." She went upstairs to her room to change her clothes.

"Well I want to stop by the hospital before we really start to have fun." Addison said. "Jess and Derek are on a case together, and I want to see how its coming along." She seized the box of sporks and the lottery ticket that Mel purchased earlier and stuffed it in her purse. "Perfect."

"Hold on, I want to see how Derek is doing." Crys said with a smirk. She walked to the nursery with Addison and Brandy trailing behind. Quietly, they softly creaked the door open. It was quite a sight, Derek was exhausted and napping in the rocking chair with Jenny and Taylor in his arms. His shirt had several milk stains. Taylor was drooling by the minute, leaving a large, damp spot on Derek's shoulder. Miraculously all 6 babies were sound asleep. It was a heartwarming sight.

Just then, Jessica awoke and and broke the silence by crying. Derek weakly stirred, for he wasn't a very heavy sleeper. "I think this is our signal to leave..." Addison murmured as Derek's eyelids twitched. Crys and Brandy nodded in agreement and the trio tiptoed downstairs.

"Everyone ready?" Mel asked, clutching her handbag.

"Yeah I think so." Addison replied.

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Addison was driving tonight, an activity she hadn't done since towards the end of her pregnancy. She enjoyed the feeling of being behind the wheel, taking charge of the car and its occupants.

"I thought you wanted to go to the hospital." Mel pointed out. She was in the front row next to Addy, and she noticed that they weren't headed towards Seattle Grace.

"I know." Addison replied. "I was thinking we could stop by a few other places first." They pulled up at the grocery store.

"Why here?" Crys asked, expecting someplace a little more... fun.

Addison hastily pulled the lottery ticket out of her pocket. "Because." she said, searching for a nickel and feverishly scratching the card "Mel bought this for me earlier and I want to see if I won anything."

"Hey, those three circles line up." Brandy remarked, as everyone peered over Addison's shoulder.

"Oh hell yeah!" Addison squealed loudly, almost to the point of screaming. "Come on... let's go see what I have won."

A long wait in line later, Addison was finally at the counter to claim her prize. The lady behind the desk snatched the card for inspection. Looking under the counter, she took out a jumbo box of latex condoms and slapped it down on the table. "There you go." she said, sounding rushed.

Addison cocked an eyebrow suspciously. "Are you sure this is it?"

"Yes." the woman said dismissively. "Next!" she called out.

"Wait... you positive?"

The woman rolled her eyes. "Go. Blow them up. Put baking soda and vinegar in them. Have sex." she said, eyeing the gleaming silver wedding ring on Addy's right hand.

Addison looked offended. "My sex life is none of your business."

The person behind the counter pushed the condom box closer towards Addy. "Well it is now." In a lowered tone of voice, she added sympathetically "Is the sex bad?"

By now, Addison looked like she wanted to slap her. Mel put an arm around her and dragged her away, snatching the condom box along with them. "We're going..."

"And for your information the sex is pretty damn hot!" Addison couldn't resist yelling back.

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Now Mel took charge of the car. She was driving, with Brandy shotgun and Addison and Crys in the back. "Where are we going?" Mel asked, fiddling with the radio in search of a good station.

"We could use some drinks to calm her down." Crys suggested, pointing to Addison.

"She's breastfeeding... not the best idea. And besides, do you want those 6 cuties in the care of a drunk mother?" Mel said.

"Well that's why they hired me." Crys grinned.

Addison shrugged. "I'm in the mood for shopping or something."

"Okay. To the mall then." Mel announced.

After waiting countless minutes in heavy rush-hour traffic, they arrived in what Addison would like to call heaven. It was the largest shopping area around Seattle. The four went inside, amazed by the vast number of shops there were.

"Oh we are so looking for shoes first." Addison said. Mel, Brandy and Crys looked at each other and nodded. Addison had a walk in closet that was as big as the state of the art NICU that Richard had made for her. And not to mention what was filled in that large closet of hers.

Addison was lucky that day. A new store had just opened, filling up the entire basement of the mall. Which was quite a lot of space. The 4 headed down there, indulging in all the hot apparel there was to offer. Hot shoes, sexy clothes, it was all good. Addison bought a pair of leather boots, which she was sure Derek would love; Mel purchased a periwinkle blue shirt; Brandy got a pair of heels which Addison had suggested for her; and Crys chose an outfit that made her look like Mary Poppins, which she found quite amusing. Which included the umbrella, oh who could forget the umbrella.

"Oh now I look like a nanny..." Crys said, causing the others to laugh.

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Alisa and Chrissie had a plan. They had plotted this for weeks, and finally it was ready to be put into action. Meredith was on-call last night and was exhausted, napping peacefully in an on-call room. The pair quietly crept in, careful not to wake her. Alisa pulled out a roll of duct tape, ripped a piece of and spread it over Meredith's lips. Still fast asleep, Chrissie tied her arms and legs together. It was too easy, they both thought. Meredith showed no signs of waking anytime soon. They could kill her right there at that moment, but what fun was killing an enemy without sporks?

Slowly lifting Meredith's limp body off the mattress, the two dragged her away...

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The four could of shopped literally the whole night away, but then hunger called. Heading towards the food court, they all agreed that pizza was the best food for a Saturday night outing. Addison and Crys found seats and started chatting, leaving Brandy and Mel to order food.

"Congratulations!" the overly hyper cashier said when Brandy opened her mouth to order. "You're our 1,000th customers!"

"And... what does that mean?" Mel said.

"You get 10 free large pizzas!" he answered, with a huge grin. "One of each topping! Isn't that amazing!"

"Umm... yeah." Brandy managed a weak smile, kinda freaked out by this person.

"I guess there are benefits of being the 1000th customer." Mel said.

"Whoa what happened" Addison said as they carried back the food. "I don't recall asking for so many pizzas." she said with a smile.

"1000th customers." Mel explained. "And look what we get for it."

"How are we going to finish all this food?" Crys asked, staring upwards at the huge pile of pizzas which was over her head.

"Another reason to go to the hospital." Addison said, opening a box and taking a slice out. "We can get rid of this there... Derek doesn't need all this."

"No... he'll hog all the food." Mel said.

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"Okay... I'm sure Jess will enjoy a nice meal." Addison said, as they ventured inside the hospital. She carried half of the pizzas, Mel held the other half. They had polished off 2 of the pizzas, leaving 8 to share.

"I have a feeling something big is happening tonight..." Crys muttered loud enough for them to hear. No comment was made though, for they all felt the same way. It was just something differernt in the air.

Inside the 4 walls of Seattle Grace, Addison and Mel laid the pizzas down in Richard's office in search of Jess and everyone else.

Jess ran down the hall a minute later, looking flustered. "Oh Addy! I didn't expect to see you here. But hello anyways."

"Hi Jess... what's wrong?" Addison saw her friend's flushed face.

"Umm... I was told to meet Alisa and Chrissie in the basement. They called some big, secret meeting together. And they asked me to get food." Jess said quickly. "I think you guys should come, they asked me to call you but here I find you."

"Oh that's perfect. We have 8 boxes here." Mel said, pointing to the stack of pizzas.

"Take that. We're going down." Jess said. Obediently Mel and Addison grabbed the food, and followed Jess along with Brandy and Crys. Everyone was confused, why would they have to go to the basement? And more specifically, Jess was leading them to the boiler room.

They were the last to arrive. Kayli and Kendel were there, with lots of refreshments, or more specificially, alcohol. Rissa was standing beside Kayli. Flick had her collection of sporks. Mark and Chelsea stood by the stairs, as they were told, to make sure noone was coming. But what was most surprising was the center. Alisa and Chrissie had a tied up Meredith Grey, who was starting to wake up, laying on the hard ground. Her pupils were dilated, she was horrified of the situation she was in.

Jess gasped. Brandy looked shocked. Mel's eyes widened. Crys's jaw dropped from surprise. Addison let go of the stack of pizzas, leaving them to fall on the floor.

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Alright... I've prolonged the sporking as much as possible, last chance if you want to be in on it! Just leave a review, IM me or send me a message if you want to be in what I like to call "The Demise of Meredith Grey" or "Sporking the Whore!"

But I've got to be honest... I've considered sporking Derek too for what he did to Addy... but he's actually decent in this fic and i dont want 6 bastards on my hands P

And wow... this is a longass chapter. Probably the longest chapter of a fic i've ever written.


	14. Chapter 14

"What the hell is going on here?" Addison exclaimed after the initial shock wore off.

"We captured Meredith Grey." Chrissie said, with a hint of pride in her voice.

"We can see that!" Mel said.

"I get first hit." Kayli announced, firing up a spork.

"Bitch. I call second." Flick said.

Kendel laid out vodka on an old card table Rissa brought. "I have nothing to do with this." she said as she prepared to leave. "Kayli can serve the rest of the alcohol."

"Kendel!" Alisa cried out. "I thought you were on our side?"

"I am." Kendel replied calmly. "But you realize we're going to be charged with murder."

"And you're our lawyer..." Addison finished for her.

"I'm leaving. Now. See you in court." Kendel walked away, out of sight.

Fifteen minutes later, Alisa and Chrissie had Meredith up against the wall, like a human dartboard. Meredith's wrists and ankles were chained up, she was completely immoblized. There was a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Alisa panicked.

Derek and Kendel strolled in, holding 3 babies each in their carseats. Derek laid them down on the ground and headed towards Addison. Kendel put down the babies and left again.

"Derek! Why are they here?" Addison hissed sharply.

Derek sighed "I can't manage them alone. And can someone please explain to me what is going on?" he said, looking around the room.

"Help!" Meredith screamed. She had no idea the walls and ceiling were soundproof, so her effort was pretty much useless. She saw Derek. "Derek baby! Get me out!"

"Fuck you!" Derek yelled back, giving her the finger.

"I love you!" Meredith said. "What about the children?"

"Whore! Die for all I care. And my kids are fine thank you very much." Derek retorted. He turned to face Addison. "What's going on?"

"Our kids are not going to be scarred for life." Addison said. "Take them away, and why did you take them out in the first place? If they get sick I'm blaming you."

"Relax." Derek said. "They're OUR kids. They're fabulous. They're going to be fine. What are we doing anyway?"

"We're commiting murder." Kayli said simply with a grin, spork in hand.

"Oh sweet." Derek took a bag of scalpels out of his pocket. How he had them, noone knew. He took one and aimed at Meredith's chest.

Kayli grabbed his arm threateningly. "Get away from her. I'm first."

"I'm second" Flick lined up behind Kayli, holding 2 sporks.

"Fine." Derek huffed. "But I want to aim for her boobs. Oh right, I forgot she doesn't have any." he said sarcastically, with a sneer from Meredith.

"Oh. Wait. Hold on." Chrissie headed over to the card table and rummaged through the duffel bag that was underneath. She took out a dildo.

Addison shuffled through her purse. "Hey I won some condoms today." she said, and handed one to Chrissie, who ripped the package open and covered the sex object. Chrissie handed it to Alisa, who shoved it into Meredith's mouth.

"Here. Enjoy this because it'll probably be your last." Alisa said.

Meredith spit it out. "I would like that in my vagina please."

Laughter echoed across the room. "What vagina?" Derek asked innocently. "Last time we had sex I recall something that looked like a bullet?"

"Liar!" Meredith accused. "I'll drop my pants now for everyone to see!"

"Please don't blind us with whatever is in your pants." Kayli said, shielding her eyes. She focused on her target.

"Oh wait." Flick said, and she ran up to Meredith. Seizing Meredith's right leg, she snapped it the wrong way and it went c_rack. _Meredith's face was twisted with pain, she couldn't say anything. "And the other one..." Flick murmured, grabbing the left leg and repeating the process. _Snap._

"Finally." Kayli said, holding her arm up, spork between her index finger and thumb. With a quick flick of the wrist, it went flying through the air, right on Meredith's nose.

"Sporks hurt!" Meredith complained, with the spork deeply embedded in her nose. It didn't fall off of sway downward due to gravity, it just... sat there.

"Oh I so win." Kayli put her hands in the air. "BEAT THAT BITCHES."

Flick snorted. "Yeah, whatever." 2 sporks clutched tightly in hand, and after a moment of silence, she sent the sporks gliding in the air. Lucky for her, and unfortunately for Meredith, they landed on her eyes. Meredith screeched in pain, the sporks were stuck in her eyes and she was blinded for life, well whatever puny, pathetic life she had left.

Derek decided to go next. Instead of sporks, he wanted scalpels, gaining the disapproving looks of Kayli, Flick and Mel. Using 2, he aimed them at either side of her chest. One landed on the left, the other to the right. "There. Now she has boobs." Derek said with a grin.

"Damn couldn't you at least give me some painkillers before doing this?" Meredith grimaced at all the pain.

"Um that would be a no." Jess simply answered, getting ready for her turn. Flinging her spork in the air, this one landed on Meredith's stomach, right on her belly button.

"Oh thanks for piercing my navel." Meredith said sarcastically, which was a pathetic attempt at sarcasm.

"Shut up before I hit you. Well... actually I'm hitting you anyway." Addison said with a sneer. "This is for falling in love with my husband!" She aimed for the area she specialized in, also known as Meredith's 'vagina'.

"Fuckkkkk." Meredith screamed with pain.

Addison laughed. "Did I hit the bullet?"

"Everytime you guys hit it lands lower and lower." Mel remarked, a few sporks in hand, watching over the babies and sipping the alcoholic creations that Kayli was making. A spork slipped from her grip. "Oh crap." she silently cursed.

Fortunately, the spork landed safely on Kari's lap. "Sp-sp-or-k" she said with some difficulty, flashing an adorable baby smile and twirling the spork in her hands. In a sudden movement, she threw it, landing on Meredith's ankle.

"Aww." Derek gushed. "My kid's a genius!" he felt like announcing, beaming with pride.

Jessica stuck her tiny tongue out at Kari as if she were jealous. Jess sensed the sibling rivalry, and quickly passed her namesake a spork. Jessica squealed, and tried her best to hit Meredith. With a weak fling, it hit her ankle. Jessica clapped enthusiastically as Addison lovingly rubbed her head.

"I want to go." Brandy announced to nobody in particular. By now, Kayli had a 'spork stand' along with the pizza and booze. Brandy walked to the stand, grabbed a spork and threw it, just like everyone else did. Instead of landing on a particular area, it was headed towards Meredith's neck, and instead of piercing through her skin, it bounced off and went down her shirt. Right between the new boobs Derek gave her. Meredith pouted as everyone started laughing.

"You all suck." Meredith said.

"Can we please shut her up?" Mel asked, grabbing a spork for herself. Aiming for Meredith's mouth, it went in and stuck on her throat. "Now she can't talk anymore." Mel said triumphantly.

Just then, a door creaked open. Everyone jumped, worrying they would get caught. "I thought Mark and Chelsea were guarding the door?" Alisa murmured, as everyone in the room scrambled to find a good hiding place.

"I think they ran off." Addison muttered back.

With each step of the stairs their hearts beated faster and faster. They were afraid that some authority figure, like Dr. Webber, would find them. Or police happened to be in the area and wanted to see what was going on.

In a moment of bravery, Flick looked up from her spot under the liquor table. "Oh it's you!" She sounded relieved.

"What's going on here?" Raven looked around the room. Slowly everyone crept out from their hiding spots and resumed the sporking. "Flick?" She looked expectantly at her friend for answers.

"We're murdering Meredith Grey." Flick said simply. "With sporks." She couldn't resist adding that bit in.

"Oh. Give me a spork. No... _three._" Flick handed Raven the three sporks she asked for. Instead of standing a few feet away from Meredith the target, Raven boldly walked up to her and brutally stabbed all three sporks in her abdomen. By now, Meredith was either dying or dead, leaning towards the light. Now if only the Spork Squad could push her into the light...

There was a knock at the door. Rissa went to open it, it was a short delivery man with a large cardboard box. "Hey did anyone order tequila?" Rissa asked. The man seemed oblivious to the sporked body on the wall.

Chrissie raised her hand. "That would be me." Walking to the door, shoving a few dollar bills into the man's hand, she accepted the tequila. "Is everyone done sporking?" she asked. "Alisa and I have a plan."

"You forgot the nanny." Crys insisted. Sometime during the ordeal, she had changed into her new outfit and looked like a sexier version of Mary Poppins, plus the umbrella. Grabbing a spork, Crys slit Meredith's neck open. When the wound was nice and clean, she jabbed it in the center. "Hmm..." Crys studied her work. With her Mary Poppins umbrella, she gently used the tip and poked Meredith in the stomach. Not painful enough, she decided. She wacked Meredith on the head with the umbrella and poked at all the sporks. "There" she said, satisfied.

Now it was Rissa's turn. "Okay... let me find her aorta..." she said. "no... that's her vena cava, no that's a vein..."

"We have no idea what you're saying." Kayli said. "What is it with doctors and their doctorsness."

"Shut up." Rissa replied. "There." Finding Meredith's aorta, she sank the spork in, nice and deep. "Ohh that feels good."

"Everyone done?" Alisa said, holding a large bucket filled with a mysterious substance with Chrissie.

"Nahh..." Everyone gathered in a circle around Meredith and started kicking their heels up, blowing dust and dirt like a storm. Luckily, the basement wasn't cleaned very often, so there was plenty of nasty to go around.

Chrissie put on an evil grin. "Now let's wash off that dirt, shall we?" She and Alisa splashed the bucket's contents all over Meredith.

"Enjoy that tequila!" Alisa said smugly.

Meredith was now soaked in tequila. Her head drooped and her body was slowly slipping off the wall. She fell onto the floor, her lifeless body laying limp.

"Alright, everyone take a spork." Chrissie ordered. "Or two if you want. Or more if you wish. And then gather 'round the whore."

Everyone obeyed and a circle formed around Meredith. She was filthy, the dust and dirt that was kicked up seemed to be magnetized towards her. Flick had 10 sporks in each hand. How she managed that... well she's special. Kayli, trying to compete, stuck 2 sporks in her mouth, ready to fire. In a way, you could say, she resembled a walrus with the two things sticking out of her mouth.

"On the count of three" Alisa ordered "we all stab her with sporks." Everyone nodded in acknowledgement. "Okay, 1... 2... 3!" Everyone was thrusting sporks into Meredith's body like mad. Every inch of her skin was covered in the plastic utensil.

"I think we're done." Addison put her hands on her hips as everyone dismounted from Meredith's body. Meredith looked more like a big, white porcupine than a dead corpse.

"Should we cremate her or leave her like this?" Derek asked.

"We can't drag a body out like this." Mel said. "Besides, as Kendel said, somebody's gonna find us and we are going to be charged with murder."

"Ehh it was fun though." Kayli shrugged. "And my lover Kendy can save us."

"Somebody better explain to me what's going on." A strict, anonymous voice boomed loudly, scaring the crap out of each member of the Spork Squad.

THE WHORE IS DEAD! party at my house? (wink) BYOT- bring your own tequila


	15. Chapter 15

For those who have no idea what the last chapter was about...

It's our personal inside joke. 'Our' as in the Addeks of The Incision. If you don't like it... then stop reading. This fic dedicated to my Spork Squad D love y'all lots!

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"Oh no! le po-po!" Kayli shrieked.

"The po-pos tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty..." Derek quietly sang, receiving a nudge in the ribs and a sharp glare from Addison. "What? It's not my fault that these teens were blasting music on the streets." He grinned.

Addison cocked an eyebrow "And since when did you listen to Chamillionaire?"

"As I said before, not my fault." Derek shot back.

The officer scanned the room suspiciously. He eyed the remains also known as Meredith. Creeping closer, he poked at a spork. It was squishy. "What the fuck is this?"

"Sporks." Chrissie said.

The officer pulled a handful of sporks out. Blood and tequila oozed out like water coming out of a clogged drain. "You sporked someone didn't you?"

_Crickets._ No one dared to reply, silence filled the room and looks were exchanged within the group.

_Booty booty booty rockin' everywhere._ Music blasted in the room, from one corner, more specifically. Kayli blushed. "That would be my phone..." she murmured. Turning so she faced the wall and her back to the crowd, she flipped open her phone. "Hello?"

"Kayli?" It was Kendel. "How's the killing?"

"She's dead..."

"That's good" Kendel interrupted.

"No... we got caught."

"Oh." Kendel paused. "Maybe I should hang up. I'll visit you all in prison."

"Thaanks." Kayli replied sarcastically and shut the phone.

"I have no idea what the hell went on here" the officer said "but we're going to have to arrest you all and wrap that... _thing._" He pointed at the remains of Meredith Grey.

"We're not going to be able to fit in a small police car." Flick said bluntly.

The officer ignored Flick. "Does anybody have some damn plastic wrap?" He poked at Meredith's sporks. "Ohh... what's that thing sticking out..." He made a face and pointed at a small... thingy below her abdomen.

"That would be her penis." Derek grinned.

The officer rolled his eyes. "Get the hell away from me." Everyone started to leave. "No... wait... come back!" He whipped out handcuffs and fifteen minutes later everyone was immobilized. "Police car is waiting outside... I'll take you all in pairs." He grabbed 2 wrists, one belonging to Derek and the other to Addison. "Let's see how this is going to work..." he murmured, flinging open the car door. "Lay on the seat on your back." he instructed Derek, who did so obediently. "You." he said, grabbing Addison. "On top of him."

"You're sexually harrassing me." Addison struggled out of the man's grip but he was too powerful for her.

"Hey those boobs are MINE!" Derek screamed "Get your filthy hands off my woman."

Sticking his tongue out, the officer gave Addison's breasts a gentle rub before throwing her in, on top of Derek. They were facing each other, Addison was leaning on Derek like he was her pillow.

"Derek... I feel something... hard... on my abdomen..." Addison looked around the car.

"Ah that would be me..." Derek grinned. "Your boobs are pressed up against my chest... I'm having thoughts..."

"People are coming!" she loudly whispered "We can't do it here..."

Derek wiggled in his seat so that his legs were up against the door and he was at eye-level with his wife's chest. "Can I lick you?"

Addison giggled "Depends."

"Mhmmm" Derek groaned, stuck his tongue out and licked the space between Addison's boobs. Luckily for him, she was wearing a V-neck shirt that was totally exposing her skin. "Just to let you know, you are SO my wet dream tonight."

Addison kept on giggling "I'll take that as a compliment."

"More." The anonymous officer was back, with Mel, Crys and Brandy in hand. He dumped the trio in the car, the 5 were scrunched up against each other.

"Why do I have to be squeezed up against Derek?" Mel complained. Brandy was on top of her, and above Brandy was Crys, they were compressed like a ham sandwich.

"Just be glad you're not on top of him." Addison winked.

A few minutes later the policeman was back with Jess, Kayli, Rissa, Chrissie and Alisa. Jess was piled on top of Addison. Kayli took a seat on the side, curled in the fetal position. "I have a very nice view of Addison's legs." she bragged, pleased that Addison was wearing a knee length skirt that evening.

"Shut up." Rissa said, climbing on and taking her spot on top of Crys, squeezed between Crys and the ceiling. Chrissie and Alisa shared a seat shotgun.

"Who am I missing..." the officer muttered to himself.

"Dammit you forgot me!" Flick called out, running towards the car. Raven had snuck off without anybody noticing and Kendel was hiding God knows where.

"Oh you." The officer pulled out a bungee cord and lifted Flick onto the roof of the car. Expertly manipulating the cord, Flick was tied up on the roof, arms and legs secured tightly. The sextuplets were placed in the trunk, and that left no room for Meredith's corpse. Well... that wasn't too hard, the officer rented a horse and placed her dead body on top of it. Flick muttered something about the whore becoming a 'whorse'.

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One by one the Spork Squad was taken in for investigation and questioning. And annoying photoshoots.

"These babies" One detective said, pointing at the 6 sleeping FHB's in their carseats. "are almost a month old, and have no conscience to know what is right and what is wrong. So they are excused for helping with the murder."

"Wait. So they can kill all the people they want and not get arrested?" Derek asked. The detective nodded. "Sweet." Derek smirked.

Addison was trying to reach Kendel. She needed someone to take care of her kids while they were locked up. "Kendel please..." she begged.

"I don't do kids Addy. You know that. However, if you have a pole I'm very willing to do it." Kendel replied.

"It's just for a few days."

"I'm your lawyer. I'm preparing for this trial. How much more do you expect? And I'm sure you really want to get out."

"Yeah... we all do." Addison sighed.

"Use this as an opportunity to teach them prison life..." Kendel said before hanging up.

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For the next few days everyone was living the prison life as they awaited their trial. Day in and day out, wearing hideous rags that Addison constantly complained about, eating food that was unfit for even a beggar, and worked from sunrise to sundown. Manual labor, picking up trash off highways and tending crops of corn were on the list of the many tasks they were assigned.

"I would complain... but it was worth sporking Grey." Chrissie remarked one morning, the day of their long awaited trial. They all shared a small cell with only 2 bunkbeds, everyone either squeezing in a tiny bunk or resting on the dirt covered floor.

Everyone nodded in agreement, the sporking was fun, this was a small price to pay. But if they were found guilty, which they were, then they could face a lifetime in prison.

"Get up. Get dressed." An attendant slammed open the cell door. "Trial starts in 20 minutes, if you're late then you're not getting out of here." Obviously nobody wanted to stay behind bars, so they scurried as fast as possible.

9 AM and the group entered the courtroom. The air was serious, there was to be no joking allowed. It was eerily quiet, you could hear a pin drop and it would echo across the room. The Spork Squad was seated on one side with Kendel, the other side was the officer who had caught them earlier.

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what can I say? Addeks corrupted me D This chapter was short, I dont feel like writing anymore and I'm exhausted, but you can expect a trial next chapter... i need to think of something witty and funny.


	16. Chapter 16

Before we begin, I would like to do a shoutout to Mrs.Scott323, yes we did do a good deed. xD. Thanks for the review, and from everyone else.

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"Psst. Addie." Derek whispered, hoping to catch his wife's attention.

"What?" Addison shivered. "It's freezing here... if I had known we were going to jail I would of brought a sweater."

"Honey. It's August." Derek pointed out.

"Then we should of brought a thermos. Or a bottlewarmer... they don't like cold milk and that's all I got."

"You know I could always warm those up for ya..." Derek smirked.

Addison stomped on her husband's toes in disgust. "We're in freakin' court! Show some decency!"

"Owwwww" Derek cringed in pain. _And she's wearing stiletto heels too_ he thought. "Anyways... remember those women that were spooning in the next cell?"

"Yeah and you asked if we could join in. I swear I would of killed you myself with a spork if Mel hadn't dragged you out of there."

"Well I have a spork in my pocket right now..." Derek grinned.

"Do you really want me to kick you in the nuts right now?" Addison hissed. "With 4 inch stilettos?"

"Noo." Derek replied meekly.

Kayli overhead their conversation. "You got a spork? Gimme it." she ordered.

"Why would I give it to you?" Derek demanded defiantly.

"Because." Kayli began threateningly. "Nobody can see what's going on within the Spork Squad, I can scream that you're sexually assaulting me below the waist because nobody can prove me wrong"

Derek went pale. He was obviously fearful of this chick. He handed over his spork.

"Thank you." Kayli grinned, leaned over and poked Kendel in the ribs with the spork.

Kendel sharply turned around. "What the hell was that?"

"All my dreams have come true!" Kayli announced happily, with a tint of sarcasm. "I poked dear Kendel with a spork."

"Shut up everyone!" The judge slapped his wooden hammer on its stand. "Now the members of the so-called 'Spork Squad'... are you... guilty or innocent?" His voice was low, dull and too serious.

There were murmurs among the group. Finally, Flick spoke up. "We're innocent sir, she...died on her own. Suicide, you know what I mean? Oh and by the way when you were coming in, I noticed how you walk, and I must say you have a very nice ass."

The judge raised an eyebrow skeptically. Kendel rolled her eyes and sank deep into her chair. After a moment of thought, the judge said "And why should we release you from prison?"

Kayli whispered something into Kendel's ear. "We should let us free" Kendel began "because... we have cookies." She paused. "Oh and juju. Can't forget the juju." she quickly added, looking at Addison.

"No." Crys called out. "Let the nanny out. She looks like Mary Poppins!" Coincidentally Crys was wearing her nanny outfit, and whipped out her umbrella.

"She'll sex you for free if you let us out!" Brandy grinned.

Crys slapped Brandy on the shoulder with the umbrella. "I'm not Meredith Grey! That's an insult to me and you know it."

"Oh I'm sorry... I know you're not a whore." Brandy hugged Crys apologetically.

The judge smacked his hammer down on it's stand impatiently. "Less loving, more prosecuting please? Bring the damn evidence in."

Two court employees wheeled in a sporked-up Meredith Grey in, both carried sickened expressions. Dead bodies are never fun to play with... well there's always poking a person to see if they're truly dead. Other than that... Meredith was starting to smell.

Flick couldn't help but giggle at the sight of Meredith's corpse. Chrissie and Alisa smirked, thinking how much fun it was bringing on her demise.

"Did you all do this to her?" the judge boomed loudly. "Stick sporks in her flesh and give her a penis?"

"Ahem." Kendel cleared her throat. "I was told that she always had a penis and it's not our fault she's a wannabe transsexual."

Meredith's body was brought up to the judge, who wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Get her away from me. Throw her away. Burn her. Do whatever..." He peered closer at her missile. "Are those herpes sores?"

"Indeed they are. Thank god for glow in the dark condoms." Derek grinned.

"Shut up. Let's start over. Did you, or did you not kill Meredith Grey?"

"They have plead innocent, sir." Kendel said.

"Okay, and we don't have any witnesses except for the Shepherd sextuplets, and unless somebody can teach them the English language before this girl freakin' rots, they are of no help."

"They're MY kids. Anything can be possible." Derek boasted.

The judge ignored Derek and shuffled through a stack of documents he claimed contained significant importance. "Your Chief of Surgery, Doctor Richard Webber, denies he posesses any information about this situation. He refuses to come to court, during the time of this sporking he was in surgery. I believe he is reluctant to testify against any of you."

"Of course. He loves us." Derek grinned.

The judge groaned and rolled his eyes. "Can somebody PLEASE get that man to shut up?" Two security guards, who were standing dutifully by the door, nodded and ran off. They came back with a fat roll of duct tape, tore off a generous piece and slapped it over Derek's mouth.

"Mhmmmm!" Derek tried screaming through the tape in his mouth, but it was no use.

"I think it should be Derek instead of Kayli in the psych ward..." Addison murmured to herself to no one in particular.

"Oh don't expect me to be his doctor." Rissa happened to be sitting behind Addie and overheard.

"Don't worry... I wouldn't torture you like that." Addison reassured.

"Lets move on. Apparently you have no witnesses, Meredith's body was discovered in the basement of Seattle Grace Hospital along with the Spork Squad. How secretive of you. If only you had been quieter you wouldn't have been caught." he said with a slight sneer.

Alisa broke in. "We should be rewarded sir. With a parade perhaps. Come on, you all know that we have done a good deed here!"

"So you admit to killing Meredith?"

"I didn't mean it that way."

"Come on, we ALL know you guys killed her. It's pretty obvious."

"Then why aren't you convicting us?" Chrissie asked testily.

"It would be so much easier if you all plead guilty at this moment."

"Now why would we go ahead and do a thing like that?" Mel cocked an eyebrow.

"Fine. I don't give a crap about the law. I'm going to do whatever the hell I please." the judge said snarkily as he lifted his hammer. "I sentence every member of the Spork Squad to life in prison. And the Shepherds' will have their parental rights terminated leaving their six kids in the care of rats."

Derek wiggled in his seat madly as the hammer was going down. But before it could actually hit the stand, Kendel stood up. "Stop!"

The judge stopped midair, less than 5 millimeters from the stand. "What?" he demanded, clearly annoyed at the interruption.

"You can't do that!" Kendel screamed angrily.

"I can and I will."

Kendel turned around to face the Spork Squad in frustration. Kayli had a mysterious twinkle in her left eye.

"Since you're breaking the law, we might as well too. I have a proposal." Kendel said boldly. "Well more like a bribe... but I'm sure you will enjoy it."

The judge looked at them expectedly. The members of the Spork Squad looked around each other, wondering what plan Kayli and Kendel had cooked up. And was it going to work?

"I want to give you a lap dance..." Kendel purred in a low, sexy tone.

"Everyone take off your clothes." Kayli ordered. "We're going to use them as fans... let them weave in the air and Kendy will dance." Kendel nodded. "You better give ME a lap dance when you're done with him..." Kayli muttered.

"Of course my love." Kendel replied and ripped off her stuffy lawyer outfit. She had a sexy outfit on, somehow she figured she would have a stripping emergency.

"Ooh la la!" The Spork Squad was stripped down to their underwear and cheered as they waved their course orange jail suits. "All Hail the Great Kendy!"

Kendel scowled. "You are to call me Duchess Kendel of the Hill! And she's Lady Kayli of the Logs... you are not to refer us to by anything but that."

"What?" The judge shook his head in confusion. "How did they get those names?"

"Oh. You don't want to know. Trust me." Flick grinned.

"Oh I do." The judge leaned forward in his seat.

"One word. Sex." Kayli shrugged. She found a stereo in the room, how? Who knows... according to some it magically appeared. Kayli blasted the music which set the mood for the room. Upbeat and bouncy, now if only the decorations were more appealing... screw the stands and bring in poles.

Kendel did her thing. With everyone in rhythm to her dancing, it was quite a scene. Kendel reached her final destination and perched herself on the judge's lap, much to his delight. This was more exciting than the cheap whores he hired, one of them who happened to be Meredith. Deep down inside... he was overjoyed since Meredith wasn't exactly his best whore.

Kayli whipped out a pad of matches from her shoes. "Thank god alcohol is flammable." she said as she lit one and placed it on Meredith's stomach, watching as her body engulfed in flames fueled by the tequila. "Nothing more than a pile of ashes." Kayli announced happily a few minutes later.

The judge sighed deeply and inhaled contently when Kendy was done with her fabulous dance. "Okay... all charges are dropped... invitations will be sent out for a party celebrating this event." Everyone cheered joyfully.

Kendel curled her body around the judge. "Thank you." she whispered. "I'll do another round if you send some alcohol over..."

_**All hail Duchess Kendel of the Hill and Lady Kayli of the Logs!**_

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Um yes, this is the last chapter if I forgot to mention. All the fun is gone, Meredith is dead. Brief epilogue next chapter! I have some... ahem... interesting plans for some of the characters heheh.


	17. Epilogue

They were free.

They were outside, waiting for Kendy and Kayli to rent a van to pick them up. Apparently after everyone was home, the van would have... 'other' uses.

Derek approached his wife like a helpless puppy, pointing vigorously to the tape that was still stuck to his mouth.

"Hmm." Addison studied her husband's face. "Nahh... I like you like this. You're quiet. We can have quiet sex for once."

"MMM!" Derek's face was turning bright red.

Addison sighed and feigned annoyance. "Fine" she huffed, and swiftly ripped off the duct tape off Derek's lips.

"Owwwwwwwwww" Derek cringed. Where the tape had been stuck was now a large red area of swollen skin. "Did you have to include a wax with that?"

"Sorry 'bout that." Addison grinned, peering down at the gray tape which contained bits of stubble. "I could... wax off the rest of your face..."

"No thanks." Derek refused and rubbed his sore cheeks.

_Honk honk._ Kayli and Kendel were right around the corner, in their brand spanking new sexy reddish orange stripping van.

"Wow nice transportation." Crys remarked as everyone hopped in.

"You need to come with us on our stripping tour." Kayli had gotten close with the maid and they were great... friends.

"Can't." Crys shook her head. "I'm not a cradle robber." she said as she looked at the Shepherds' lugging their six kids into the van.

And so, one by one, the Spork Squad separated. Chrissie, Alisa, Flick and Rissa returned to the hospital. Jess, Crys, Derek, Addison, Mel and the sextuplets: Jenny, Taylor, Kari, Kendel, Jessica and Landon went home to their luxurious mansion. It was quite sad actually, given all the fun times they shared, and it was all coming to an end.

Pretty soon only Kayli and Kendel were left. First stop on their tour: Las Vegas. Gambling, alcohol, it was heaven. And not to mention they got married...

**The real end...**

So in the end. The six kids grew up, and being the fabulous people they are, they took over the world with the Spork Squad. With Brandy as their leader of course. All hail the amazing McB! Of course... Flick ruled the sporks and Raven controlled the milkshakes.

The Spork Squad reunited once a month, Richard had given them the elevator Derek and Addison had sex in. Any enemy they faced, wham dump 'em in the elevator and spork 'em. That included a bunch of shitheads who had no idea what they were doing.

Kayli and Kendel lived the lavish life of polygamy. After finishing their stripping tour and becoming billionaires, they recruited Crys the maid and picked up 2 lovely women named Sarah and Stephanie along the way. And don't forget Kayli's 1,000,008 love children, including the lovely Audrey Charlotte from Sarah.

As for Mel and Derek... well some things never change. Their sibling rivalry continued, and eventually Mel moved out and she and Rissa became roommates. Rissa had a lot more free time, seeing as Kayli left the hospital to embark the life of a stripper.

Jess and Addison, best friends for life. They were a team, the greatest OB/GYN's in the world and most certainly the foremost neonatal surgeons.

Alisa went on with her drug dealing. Chrissie continued life as a janitor and tripped any person she disliked. Together, they were drug dealing janitors with the power of the broom... and sporks of course.

_Long live the Sporks!_

**And so... the conclusion to my Tales of Irony. Hope you all enjoyed the story and thanks so much for reading and keeping up with one hell of a wacky fic. Don't worry... my other stories will remain serious ((laughs)).**


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